On My Spiritual Evolution

I believe spirituality and serendipity link the past to the present in the form of deep awareness and compassion. With this awareness and compassion I believe I can make better choices and help others do the same.

Days ago, I saw a blind woman walking with a cane down the sidewalk. I had to look twice, because she bore an uncanny resemblance to a friend that I had when I lived on the West coast. This was back during a time in my life when friendship was based on unquenchable needs, craven manipulation, shallow highs, and deep despair. I had to leave this friend behind or risk being left behind myself – to be swallowed by my own self-indulgence and recklessness. The intermittent contact I’ve had with her since then has not been encouraging. While the person I saw on the street reminded me of my west coast friend, the big difference was this person was blind and worn-out looking. And what then occurred to me was that perhaps this was a commonality as well, because my “friend” is still tiredly stuck in a cycle of addiction and lost to the world in the same way that vision is lost to the blind… That this resemblance was less a cosmic reminder but more a symbolic warning for my own survival. Everybody has a west coast they can return to in bad way and I am no different.

At present I am a student of psychology in my hometown, Minneapolis. My study of psychology goes hand in hand with my spirituality, and I believe that compassion is like a flashlight that illuminates the fractured psyche of those in need of emotional renovation. I am reminded of all the mental health professionals and teachers who were able to help me clarify my own aspirations, transforming me from a person beyond hope to a person who is far from hopelessness. I am now an individual who indulges in awe at the world of friendship, knowledge, generosity, orchids and cats.

I believe that happiness is something you need to search out like any other opportunity. The last time I was given over to depression it took a great deal of effort to force myself to merely rise up and leave my residence. After finally leaving to go out for a bit, I noticed an albino preying mantis (or is it praying mantis?) right in the middle of the road, sitting in apparent deep contemplation, unaware of the vehicular hazards all around it. Without hesitating, I picked it up and brought it to safety.

I believe that the mantis on the road, or me in my bed – trapped in a cycle of morbid rumination – are no different. I believe that by just getting out, doing the footwork, and thinking of someone else, I am no longer alone on life’s path, about to be unwittingly crushed due to the paralysis of depression and indecision. By giving myself over to the powerful guiding hand of place and time and walking beyond the usual threshold, I am opening myself up to the awesome cosmic patterns and karmic lessons that are laid out in front of me. By being as aware as possible I can now appreciate life’s beauty.