I Believe in Her

I believe in the feeling I got when I held my niece for the first time. The overwhelming emotions that took over my body were pure, and unexpected. Of course I knew I would love my brother’s first child. I had been looking forward to her birth for nearly 7 months. What I didn’t know, was that I would fall deeply in love with this baby as soon as I saw her.

As I type this, Maxine is only five days old but I am already tightly wrapped around her tiny fingers. I feel a very deep connection with Max, she is my first niece and the first baby in my family since I was born. I was the first person in my family to find out about her, besides my brother of course. The day I found out I was going to be an aunt was amazing and confusing. I was ecstatic to have a baby in the family, but I also thought of the fact that my brother who was only 23 years old, and his girlfriend only 21 were big partiers. My brother has been in trouble with the law many times, the common denominator in all of my brothers problems has always been alcohol, a fact that my brother has never really accepted. I worried that impending fatherhood would be too much stress on him, and he would begin to drink more. I waited for the inevitable call to come pick him up from some party at 3 am, or have my parents tell me he had been arrested again. But I never got that call.

Instead wedding plans were put into full swing, my brother and his girlfriend of 4 years had finally set a date of July 21st only four weeks away. Again, I began to worry that this new pressure of a wedding would weigh to heavily on his shoulders and push him to drink. But again I was mistaken he was so excited to finally be marrying the woman he had loved for so long, that I didn’t even see him drink at the wedding. I couldn’t believe that my brother, the guy I had always loved but had never been able to 100% able to rely on, was quickly becoming such a dependable man.

In september, my mother and I went with Jake and his wife to find out the sex of the baby. They were both really hoping for a boy, and already had a name picked out if the baby was in fact a boy. About 5 minutes into the ultrasound, the doctor told us the news, “It’s a Girl!” I couldn’t have been more excited, I had been hoping for a niece. Again my thoughts went to my brother, I turned to look at him, and I saw tears rolling down his face as he stared at the screen in amazement. As we walked out of the doctors office, Jake was still smiling from ear to ear, whispering to himself “ We’re going to have a baby girl.”

Every month that came closer to Maxine’s birth, came slower and slower. I was waiting on pins and needles to meet the little girl who had done in the womb what I hadn’t been able to do in 18 years of life. She had changed her daddy. Maxine arrived in true style, two weeks late. I waited patiently in the waiting room with my family for what seemed like an eternity until Jake came in and announced her birth. Maxine entered the world at 8:26 pm on January 29th 2011, weighing in at 8 pounds and 3 oz. My brother was beaming with pride. When I was finally able to go see the baby, I started to feel nervous, anyone who has seen a newborn baby know that they aren’t exactly stunning.

I envisioned a purple, cone headed, screaming baby. What I got instead, was Max. She was olive skinned, round headed and serenly quiet. I might be bias, but I am pretty sure that she is the most beautiful baby I have ever seen. Any worries or fears that I’d had about this baby were washed away upon seeing my brother hold my baby niece. He talked to her so lovingly and just when I thought it couldn’t get any cuter, he put his nose to hers, and gave her an eskimo kiss.

I know that in the years to come, Maxine will have her vices as well as virtues. She will color on walls, eat cookies before dinner, and watch movies deemed to scary for her by my brother. But, I can’t help but think that I will be the one giving her the crayons to mark the walls, sneaking her the cookie right before dinner, and snuggling up to her before watching the extremly scary movie her parents told me not to let her watch. I owe this little girl a lot, I have no way of knowing what would have become of my brother if Max hadn’t come along, but I know he would be a much different person. I believe this is why I love her so much, not just because she made me an Auntie, but because she gave me back my brother.