Sometimes you wonder, “What do I really believe in.” We all need to take a look at ourselves at one time in our life. We all need to give and we all need to learn to receive.
Years ago I tried to learn to give and receive. I learned that I needed to believe in myself and a power higher that me. The year was 1968. I had just gotten married and was very happy. I was starting a new life with a new family. You’d think we would be happy wouldn’t you. We were for awhile until Uncle Sam sent that most famous letter, “Greetings”. The government had raised its ugly head.
The year and a half that followed was a year of fear and hate. I feared for the life of my husband and I hated the people who sent him to a country to fight for a group of people who couldn’t take care of themselves. Many times I let fear take control over my life instead of the faith. I started to think that faith was nothing and fear and hate was all I had. Boy was I wrong.
No one knew how hard it was to watch the person you love get on an airplane and leave you not ever knowing if they were going to come home. I would have given up and left the country. The problem here was my husband had more faith and belief in his country than I did and he knew he was doing what was right. I needed to just learn that. I lived for a year without him and had to learn to live with my fears alone. I tried very hard to do this and some days I made it but more than less I didn’t. There are times even today that I think back and wonder how I ever made it.
I think it was because while he was gone I had painted a picture called the Serenity Prayer. As I painted it a different feeling came over me. I started listening to the words I was painting and started to really look into my soul. I found that by living with this prayer I could look beyond the hate. I had learned to figure out the difference between knowing what to do and how to do it.
I started saying a prayer each night to bring my husband home. I had to try and forgive those that might hurt him and that included my country. As the weeks turned into months I was able to see things with my heart as well as my eyes.
The years have long passed and I still live with that prayer. My husband has been with me all these years and I have learned to let go of the past. We live today for today, look to the future and forget the past. Evil has an ugly head and it will raise it now and then. I believe I’m a stronger person now and I can breathe just a little easier now knowing my higher power watches over me and my family.