I’m 14 years old. I live like I’m going to die.
My grandfather passed away on February 15th, 2007 at the age of 73. An acquaintance of mine passed away on March 17th, 2009. He was 15.
I love to live life. It’s a gift. But at the same time, it’s frightening and confusing. The way that I try to make sense of it all is just to love passionately.
My nickname among my friends is “Teddy Bear.” I wear it proudly. I love them more than anything. I hug them, and I tell them I love them. They’re my world. But I know I don’t have forever with them. I could be hit by a bus tomorrow. I savor every moment I have with them, because I know it could be my last. Life’s uncertain.
There are several places in art and literature, my passions, where the importance of savoring life and loving are prominent messages. In Libba Bray’s Going Bovine: “To live is to love, to love is to live.” Especially popular (and with good reason) is the musical RENT.
“There’s only us,
There’s only this.
Forget regret,
Or life is yours to miss.
No other road,
No other way,
No day but today.”
There’s a song on my iPod by Idina Menzel, and it contains a few lines that reaffirm that message of living and loving.
“I stand for the power to change,
I live for the perfect day.
I love ‘til it hurts like crazy,
I hope for a hero to save me.
I stand for the strange and lonely,
I believe there’s a better place.
I don’t know if the sky is heaven,
But I pray anyway.”
The first lines of the lines: I stand, I live, I love, I hope, I stand, I believe, I don’t know, But I pray. This song serves as a sort of anthem for me. It’s a reminder to live; to try. It tells me “Even when you’re down, get up, and change it. You are your own master. There are no chains on you.”
Life is life. You don’t know how much you’re going to get. After you die, you could still be you, you could become someone else, you could cease to exist. For now, you’re you. Love, laugh, and live only the way that you can. That’s what I try to do.
I want to live my life happily, lovingly, and always fully. There will always be bumps, and there will always be people who want to pull you down. But I know that even if I do die soon, with my friends by my side I can always survive in spirit.