Your Past does not dictate Your Future

I believe that past struggles and issues will not continue to be who I am in the future. Change of circumstances can foster growth and valuable wisdom.

I left Gloucester, Virginia in a frantic manner. The panic attacks were killing me faster than a cancer could. This is the same town I have hated since I set eyes on it at eight years old. I remember closing my eyes and thinking about the old thick white envelops filled with school pictures. I remember staring at the word on the front of the package. “Where will you be in ten years?”

I was eighteen years old and it had now been ten years. I was standing pretty much in the same spot, as I was when I was eight. I felt like the cycle of my past was picking up speed and turning in my direction. Would I be doomed to live the same day for the rest of my life? Making the same mistakes as everyone around me. I felt as if my past was catching me by the throat and choking out my future. I was standing on the front porch staring at the open gate; all I had to do was run. I had run before in my nine months as an adult living in Gloucester. I spent about a thousand dollars on hotel rooms. I used to just get in my car and drive away. I’d find myself miles from home, rent a room and wait until I felt well enough to return. This time was different; I had finally had it with that place. I could no longer exist in Gloucester. I was a camel staring down the straw that had broke my back.

My peace of mind and optimism was deteriorating against the demons of my past. I needed a plane ticket and fast, I laid out an old map on the kitchen table and picked a place I deemed far enough away. Turns out you can’t just run from your past and inner turmoil. That’s what I call a valuable lesson; after all I did pay three hundred for a plane ticket. I left my home and my past followed me to Texas, turns out it’s not as easy as keeping a suitcase packed.

Paris, Texas was the transition; it’s where my priorities and moral flexibility was tested. I realized even though I was amongst great friends, I could not grow. I was doing the same thing as I had been doing in Virginia. I was just merely striving to survive. I was not living I was simply existing just doing what I could to survive, so I didn’t have to listen to “I told you so’s from home”. I did not stick around Paris too long before I moved to Austin, Texas with my Aunt and Uncle. Austin has been a breath of fresh air, I am happier than I have been years. I have finally found the strength to wipe the slate I have been holding against myself. People in Texas don’t know what I was like in Virginia and nor are they concerned with who I was. I’m proof your past does not have to shape your future; you can start with nothing and find everything.