Pretty Princess

Donminique - Greenville, North Carolina
Entered on July 22, 2009
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I sit here and reflect, thinking about times when I was younger, when I believed I could do and be anything.

In preschool my teacher went around the classroom asking all of us what we wanted to be when we grew up. At that time I had never really put any thought into my future, all I knew is that I wanted to grow up and be an adult. When it was my turn to answer the question I replied saying that I wanted to become a princess. All my classmates laughed. I sat there and wondered what was wrong with my reply and why being a princess was so humorous. Later that day, I was in the bathroom with another classmate. She came up to me, told me that I could not be a princess because I was black, and cut off one of my ponytails.

In that bizarre moment I was not upset about the mean girl, or the ponytail that was missing. I was upset that my parents had not told me the complete truth. I realized that all their talk about me being anything I wanted in the world would not always be possible. I would never become a princess.

I have confidence, high self-esteem, a great personality. I am smart, funny, strong, and independent. I have everything I could possibly want in life, and yet, I feel it is not enough.

As a child I strived to go above and beyond my abilities, often feeling pressure from my parents and the people around me. Growing up, I began to forget my abilities and became discouraged, and with discouragement came a lack of effort and desire. I began to fail to do my best in everything, not excelling like I should. I think my problem is that I am scared. Scared of what the outcome will be if I begin to strive for nothing but the best again. I am scared to come out my shell and be what I know I can be. I am fearful of failure, fearful of success, fearful that someone will cut my dreams just like the girl did my ponytail.

As of right now I am still searching, searching for the little girl who wanted to be a princess. The girl who believed she could do and be anything.