Return from Descent

I believe it is essential to share one’s life with another. I feel this because I have lead a life feeling empty inside. I think a life spent loving and sharing with another gives one a purpose. Spending a lifetime with a person that loves and takes care of the other is a life well lived. Sharing one’s life with another is a gift for both parties. It enriches each person and enhances both people’s quality and enjoyment of life.

I first started using illegal substances recreationally when I was 16 years old. I was interesting in this world that I had never experienced before. I saw kids who engaged in the use of illegal drugs. I was curious to try them. I wasn’t thinking of the consequences. At 17, I was sure I was either going to have to stop my drug use or risk death due to my associations at the time.

I decided to move to Colorado with my father. I had every intention to clean up. I also had to face the fact that I damaged my self esteem, self worth and identity. I was not the same person that I used to be. The fun loving, intelligent, care free kid was gone, only left to suffer with a profoundly deep depression and guilt. Still, at that point, I found one thing could make me feel better. I began abusing alcohol. I could discard my depression every night and blossomed socially. I moved out of my father’s house and travelled back to Utah. I was still drinking every weekend. When I turned 21 I started to drink more because I was able to legally obtain the liquor. I was also engaging in promiscuous behavior. When I was 20 I had a child out of wedlock.

My life was turning out to be a total disaster. I had two choices; keep going the path I was on or join the military. Basic training gave me a new sense of wellness I had not felt since I was 16 years old. The depression was gone. My confidence returned. I was my old self again, although, my desire to drink never left. In the military almost everyone drinks. I would be deployed for up to four months at a time and would still partake in spurts of alcoholism at home. I was even disciplined for drinking which led to an alcohol program, my chaotic self was returning. I was worn out from trying to find way to fill the emptiness.

One night at a bar, my life changed forever. I met Angela. I knew that I wanted to have a life with her, but for two years my drinking held me back. I would stop for months at a time only to start again. It was severely damaging any kind of trust that connected us. She told me that if I did not stop drinking she was going to leave. I decided losing her would be the worst decision of my life.

Angela has shown me how to be a better person. She has shown me what patience, understanding, and love can accomplish. I know that she will always be there right beside me. Because of her I have succeeded in quitting smoking and drinking. Nowadays, I take care of myself and my family. I also have re-connected with all of those morals and expectations that I had lost so many years ago. I can finally say that after 10 years of self destruction, I am happier today than I have ever been. I have a positive outlook on life once again that I thought was lost forever. Because of Angela, I finally feel whole because I have found the other part of me that was never there.