This I Believe

This I Believe

In the most difficult circumstances of my life, I believe that being thankful has sustained and comforted me. Somewhere in the midst of pain and sorrow, I have found that having grateful heart has soothed my soul. In my life, I have had a series of difficulties, illness and setbacks. I cannot predict or chose what events life has in store for me, but I plan to choose to be thankful in the midst of what ever lies ahead. For me, in the midst of grief, being thankful was like a life preserver.

Shortly after the death of my father, I was walking at a local nature preserve enjoying time by myself. I was breathing in the sights, sounds, and smells of my favorite retreat. As I was walking on a trail at the park, I saw a little girl sitting on her father’s shoulders. That sweet sight trigged a childhood memory, my eyes with filled with tears as I remembered my father. I remember how he held me high on his shoulders to see the sights of a 4th of July celebration. I was excited to have a view of the festivities and not be jostled by the crowd of people. Later in the evening as the fireworks began, I was scared and excited. At each boom of the fireworks, I covered my father’s eyes. My thoughts were not to cover his eyes, but to hold on to him so I did not lose my balance. Seeing that little girl reminded me of my father and my childhood. I thought all the gifts that my father had given me, rescuing me when I was learning to swim, giving me my first diary, introducing me to jazz, sharing his love of books and imparting a love of animals. Most importantly, he loved God and he loved my mother.

So in the midst of the loss, I was filled with gratitude because, he was there to celebrate my high school and college graduation, my wedding and the birth of my children. While I cherished the good memories, I just could easily evoke memories of his long angry silences, his temper with my brothers, his distancing himself from loved ones or his struggle with depression. The words love covers a multitude of sins aptly describe my relationship with my father.

So when his presence was gone from my life, the grief covered me like a heavy woolen blanket. In the midst of the loss, being thankful enabled me to move through the grief. It was easy to be grateful for all the things that my father did give me.

I do not want to get frozen by life events and relive the sadness of grief, betrayal of friends, or career setbacks. Being thankful is a part of who I am and is not limited to a special day, event, or holiday, it is not determined by my checking account , my address, or my wardrobe. But just like when I was that little girl on my father’s shoulders, the comfort of relationships, family and friends are the things of which I give thanks.