My heart belongs to my family!

jazmin - Pittsburg, California
Entered on May 13, 2009
Age Group: 18 - 30
Themes: family, love, setbacks
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The worst thing that’s ever happened to me was my parents splitting up. The pain that ran thru me felt unstoppable. Even thought my family has been thru a lot over the years I believe love has kept us sane.

People will always come and go but your family is here to stay. You might fight all day but you can never stay mad at one another.

I believe love is what keeps the heart beating.

My family has always been my heart; I’ll kill and be killed for them.

I always thought my family was perfect, until the day I laded awake listening to my parents fight all night. That same night my mom packed her bags and left. The next day my father asked her to come back home and she did, just for my kids, she told him. I thought everything was good and our family was going to be fine again.

But the worst occurred. Everything went downhill from there. At that point I knew my mother wasn’t happy and it was never going to be the same. My mom packed her bags for good this time, she asked me to come with her but I couldn’t leave my father alone. My mom was always the backbone of our family so I knew she would be fine without me. The pain this brought was unbelievable; it felt like my heart was torn out and ripped. I would often cry myself to sleep thinking about what my family had become.

For a 15 year old in high school this was the harshest thing to cope with. School was already stressful, like if comparing me to my straight A sister wasn’t enough. I felt like God hated me, or I did something wrong. Who would put a child through so much disappointment in so little time?

My heart burned with rage towards my parents and that’s when I turned to drugs as a way out. I would find myself smoking weed every day. Drinking on the weekends, and parting all night.

Marijuana released me from my struggles at home and made everything finally better. It filled the emptiness inside me, the rage grew less and I and found a new way to love.

Don’t get me wrong. My parents have always been supportive, but they could never find a way to make things right. I would hide the unhappiness I felt inside. The tears my heart would release were never to be shared.

It broke my heart to see my happy family fall apart. The damage this made felt like it would never be the same. Over the years I grew older and started realizing the truth. My mother wasn’t happy being with my father any long so she left. I rather have it this way than listening to them fight all night long. Now even though they’re not together they give me the same love as always.

It’s become easier to deal with this situation now that I understand them. My heart no longer burns with rage towards them because even though we don’t live together my parents show me the same emotions they did before.

Therefore I believe love is definitely what keeps the heart beating.