I believe that God will never give me more than I can handle. All of my life I have heard those famous words. At points in my life I have questioned my own personal strength, asking more often than I should, why me?
At the young age of twenty I decided to get married. It is what every little girl dreams of. Her wedding, the big house with the white picket fence and most importantly love. It didn’t take long into my marriage before I realized my new marriage did not match the daydreams of my childhood fantasies. I found myself married to an abusive controlling alcoholic. I quickly became a puppet, doing whatever I could to avoid making a stir. I lost myself, my being. After a late night trip to the hospital I found the strength in myself to pack my things. I left safely the next morning and never looked back.
I never looked back because my family and friends lent me their strength. They encouraged me when I felt there was nothing left to encourage. I underwent counseling. I found myself making smart decisions. I became me again. Today I believe myself to be a strong independent woman. I have goals and ambitions. I know who I am, I know what I want, and most importantly I know what I don’t want.
So now rather than asking why me, I say, why not me. I do not have good memories of my marriage as a young adult, but I do recognize the strength engraved in me because of my marriage as a young adult. I am a true believer that because of life experiences, I have become the woman I am today. I also know that without life experiences my decisions would have been much different. I am certain I would not have the life I have today. One could argue the potential life that I would have, can not be determined. They are partially right. I don’t know what my life would or could be had different choices been made. But I would argue back that I am happy with the life I have because of my decisions. I have the most beautiful daughter and a loving man. A man that shows me what it feels like to be loved. Of course my life has had ups and downs, who’s doesn’t? But that takes me back to my beginning statement, which I believe fervently now. God will never give me more than I can handle.