This I Believe

Tawnie - Bluffdale, Utah
Entered on April 30, 2009
Age Group: 18 - 30
Themes: family

I have struggled with depression my whole life. I have always been able to stay on top of it and keep it manageable, but one day I couldn’t deal with it anymore and I hit rock bottom. Have you ever been in a place that was so dark and lonely you honestly felt like you would be swallowed up in misery? I have. My saving grace was in the power of prayer, and my belief that a Higher Being existed and could help me.

I was trying to go through the motions of daily life; work, school, more work, pay bills, keep my head above water, and keep a smile on my face while doing all of this. One day I was so overwhelmed I just couldn’t handle it anymore. I called my Mom crying, telling her I couldn’t handle life anymore and I was done. I will never forget the panic and fright in her voice as she tried to calm me down, and asked me not to do anything stupid. I felt bad for being the cause of that panic and fright, but I was so wrapped up in my own misery I couldn’t see or feel anything else.

The next day I was able to get the help that I needed, and I began my journey out of the painful darkness that I had been swallowed up in. I spent many days and nights on my knees in prayer begging for help and relief from the darkness that never seemed to go away. Looking back now, I realize that as I was praying for relief from the constant sadness and darkness I felt, I was granted that relief while praying to the Higher Being I so deeply believe in. There are many people who would say that prayer does not have that big of an impact on a person’s life. I am here to say that it truly does. Through prayer, I was given the strength to fight the darkness that constantly loomed in my mind, and start to see again all the good things there are in this world. In short, hope and the desire to live life were restored to me.