An Unfair Life

I believe that life is horribly unfair. Good people get sick and die, friends and family are taken away in a moments notice, and some never get to see their first year. I work as a nursing assistant so death is something I face on a daily basis, but it never fails to shock me. There are those people who want to live, and are struggling to live, who’s lives are cut short. Then there are those who have lost all hope and want nothing more but to find an end to their suffering, and their death is long and drawn out. Yet, nothing compares to losing a loved one.

I was twelve when my grand father passed away, and the pain couldn’t compare to anything I’ve ever felt. He had cancer, it was devastating on his body, he turned to a skeleton, a meek sick scary skeleton. He once was a large man, a chubby cuddly diabetic, full of wit and love. The way the cancer distorted his body I was to perturbed to say goodbye. He suffered, it was unfair.

I knew a man once at the nursing home I worked at, a friendly fellow, wrinkly face and a large gut. Always he would flirt with nurses. One after noon he had a stomach ache, his vital signs were good, in the normal range. He was sent out to the hospital because he was just not himself. He died the next day, a hernia erupted inside his body.

My grandmother was outgoing, charming, she loved to shop and spoil her grandchildren. She hasn’t died, she is still alive in the sense that she breathes, and her heart beats, but she is no longer my grandmother. She has Alzheimer’s Disease, and she is only seventy years old. She no longer talks or laughs, she doesn’t remember who my mother is or my grandfather. Bathing is beyond her and getting her to eat is a chore. Its been hard on my mother especially, she has become her caretaker. My mother makes sure her mother is clean and fed, and goes above and beyond to make her life as normal as possible. Its sad really, watching my grandmother stare at the wall. I wonder if somehow she knows what’s going on or if part of her has left her body forever. My family suffers, the emotional stress of knowing my grandmother is no longer with us but having to still care for her body. My grandmother suffers, she will die, most likely by forgetting how to swallow she will choke on her food and leave us. This of all things is unfair.

I don’t know if there is an afterlife, or if god is a man or a woman. I don’t know if there is a heaven of a hell. I don’t know a lot of things, but I do know life is unfair. As long as I am here, living and breathing, I expect nothing to be fair. Small children will die of cancer, people will be murdered, depression will fuel suicides, and doctors and nurses will do there best to save as many as they can, but in the end its all unfair.