God Laughs

Caught in the throes of a major life change, I eagerly look to the future and wonder. I wonder if I am ready to live life on my own— to face the contests of livelihood. The future remains a swirling haze of colloid uncertainty, but one matter remains undoubtedly certain: life is what one makes of it.

My one great fear in life is ordinary, yet extraordinary. Be it not death, nor the unknown, nor any specie of spider. The number one fear of my life is normalcy. This sounds silly, I am aware, but I digress. As long as I retain my individuality, my life has expounded its purpose.

The enigmatic nature of life fascinates me and therein lays my life’s goals: to understand that I can never understand, to learn, and to be happy. I do not know if I can change the world, but why not try? I shall never fully comprehend the pain and anguish of the starving child, the pride of the soldier, or the sting of prejudicial hatred. I wish to learn anything and everything I can wrap this gray matter around. Above all, I aim for a life worth living and if it be not so, I aspire to convince myself it is. More simply put, life is not life without hope. I shall never let my mind get so clouded that I cannot recognize that simple fact. I can grasp the idea that I cannot grasp life’s ideas. To quote the genius Dee Snider of the pioneer metal band Twisted Sister: “I am, I’m me.” This much is most emphatically true of my life and my own situation.

I’ve never really been a fan of organized religion: I find it an impersonal waste of rational time and thought. God is whatever God chooses to be in my life and no church or mosque or synagogue could ever understand the complex relationship I’ve formed with the Power all by myself. To coexist is my philosophy. The acceptance of all people, all walks to life, is what I consider to be the highest level of spiritual transcendence a human being can achieve. I believe in a kindhearted God or Goddess with a great sense of humor and an approachable demeanor. I believe the devil is a “good” character (on the pithy scale of good/evil with which I do not agree) whose only doing an extremely important job, not dealing damned souls with a cold hand for perpetuity.

This I believe: life is precious. This I believe: we are human and bound to make mistakes. This I believe: a man is the product of all his past experiences. This I believe: carpe diem should be law. This I believe: the worst thing that has ever happened to this plant.

So here I am, caught at the crossroads of an unforgettable past and an undetermined future: both marked by possibilities and heartbreaks unnamed. Failure and success are eminent and all I can do is hope and pray to whomever wills to listen for more of the latter than the former. I keep my mind open and embrace Death as a another spoke in the ever-cycling wheel of life.