This I Do Not Believe

Amanda - Jackson, New Jersey
Entered on April 28, 2009
Age Group: 18 - 30
  • Listen to This I Believe on RadioPublic

  • Podcasts

    Sign up for our free, weekly podcast of featured essays. You can download recent episodes individually, or subscribe to automatically receive each podcast. Learn more.

  • FAQ

    Frequently asked questions about the This I Believe project, educational opportunities and more...

  • Top Essays USB Drive

    This USB drive contains 100 of the top This I Believe audio broadcasts of the last ten years, plus some favorites from Edward R. Murrow's radio series of the 1950s. It's perfect for personal or classroom use! Click here to learn more.

This I believe, that I do not believe. I know, and I am, rather then I believe. If something is fact, then I know it to be true and I never doubt it. If it is not proven fact, then I will never “believe” it. Until something is proven it is just a theory. Analogous to beliefs is something called “faith”. To me, faith is simply following something blindly, in which there is no answer or fact available. Faith is almost always associated with religion, and questions doubting religion always answer in “just because” or “that’s just how it is”. Faith is the substance that fills in the void to make the human feel happy.

I do not believe in just feeling happy. The substance, called faith, that fills in the void to me is a fake, worthless substance. I live with a void in my life, but rather dwell on it or let it lead me to insanity, void becomes the motivation to discover. The void leads to more facts for humans beings to know, and when greeted with open arms (not usually done easily by those with “faith”), the void begins to fill.

Technically, I am a Catholic individual. I received confirmation, and in order to do that I had to go through ceremonies, rituals and a few years of catholic schooling outside of public school. I recall too many instances in class when I asked, being the curious individual I am, “How one Man can turn 5 loaves of bread into hundreds, or part an entire sea.” As you can already predict, I was unsatisfied by the answer, “He did it by miracle” or “By the power of God.” As I grew older, I asked similar questions in science classes in public school. The answers were so much more satisfying. When I asked how humans came about the earth, the answer was a detailed explanation on evolution, big bang theories, etc. Sure, they were theories, but they had something to go off of. Not just, “by miracle we appeared. God created everything on earth.”

Throughout my studies of chemistry and biology, I have determined my own personal religion, in which there is no belief. The human being is an amazing system of molecules that throughout multiple evolutionary attempts has hit the genetic jackpot. We are a beautiful organism of carbon, oxygen, and other elements that is guided by the molecular dynamics method, not religion.

I am a human being that is guided by physics and chemistry, but I have morals and live a perfectly happy life. I do not need a filler, all I need is my motivation for answers; life is a constant work in progress. I do not believe, or have faith, I just know. I trust fact, and that is what makes me, me. I am, not I just am.