My Life

jessica - Los Angeles, California
Entered on April 23, 2009
Age Group: Under 18
Themes: family
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My Life

I believe that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you’re going to miss them after they die. It’s hard when you and your parents have a bad relationship, but I think that people should make peace because your parents are not going to live forever. When they do die, you’re going to realize that it was wrong not to make your peace and wish that you had more time with them.

When I was a child, I experienced a lot of things, too many to even count. Once my mother and I were going to the store so she locked the door. I had told her that I didn’t have my shoes on and she yelled at me. She opened the door, pushed me to the ground, holding my arms out in front of me, I screamed. Then she told me to put my shoes on. Sitting, I put my shoes on.

There was another time that I told my mother that I was going to my brother’s grandma’s house. We only lived a block away from her. When I got there, his grandmother asked me if I could help her paint the laundry room. I told her yes. An hour later my mom came and she said we had to go home. She took me outside and she told me that I was going to get it when we got home. When we got home, she hit me. Of course I thought it was my fault.

I used to go visit my dad at his house every weekend. My dad and his wife had one child together, but my dad’s wife had three other kids on her own. My dad’s wife would ask me if I wanted to come live with them. I finally told her yes. My dad went to my house the following day to tell my mom that I wanted to move with them.

My mother was depressed and she kept asking me why I wanted to move with my dad. I told her that I just wanted to. I really wanted to move with him because I got tired of her hitting me and yelling at me. I’ve been living with my dad for almost five years and I still haven’t told my mom why I moved with my dad.

I think that my mother really affected my life. Like if someone yells at me or grabs me, I get scared and start crying even if the person didn’t mean to do anything to me. I blame myself for all the things that happened to my mom because after I left, my mom started to lose all her children. I’ve thought about telling my mom how I feel, but I can’t. It’s too hard to tell my mother that because then it will only hurt her. Sometimes I think that if I tell her, maybe she will snap out of it and do the right thing. Sometimes I feel that I should tell her, but sometimes I don’t. I think that I’ve made peace with my mother already because I’ve forgiven her already. I believe that once you’ve forgiven someone, you can put the past behind you. I learned that no matter what my mom did to me, I still love her and still talk to her because I don’t know when she’s going to die. I just want her to feel OK and know that I’m there for her.