Letting Go

Judy - Louisa, Virginia
Entered on April 2, 2009
Age Group: 50 - 65
Themes: death, family
  • Listen to This I Believe on RadioPublic

  • Podcasts

    Sign up for our free, weekly podcast of featured essays. You can download recent episodes individually, or subscribe to automatically receive each podcast. Learn more.

  • FAQ

    Frequently asked questions about the This I Believe project, educational opportunities and more...

  • Top Essays USB Drive

    This USB drive contains 100 of the top This I Believe audio broadcasts of the last ten years, plus some favorites from Edward R. Murrow's radio series of the 1950s. It's perfect for personal or classroom use! Click here to learn more.

My story is for anyone who has ever lost a child. I lost my daughter in 1987 to a rare, deadly and rarely heard of disease called “Good Pasture Syndrome”. In doing so I watched my child (she was a woman 21 yrs. old then) die and could do nothing to help save her. Then was when I did some soul searching to find out “WHY”…Why my child! For years I cried, for years the question I asked God was “WHY”. During those years afterwards I became lost in my world. Something so precious to me was taken away so unexpectedly. It seemed like part of me was buried right along with her..I would never see life the same again… BUT… I flourished in my faith and was unaware that I did. When something so precious was taken away, I slowly began to see during the years after, that life goes on. But, I was noticing things I had never really paid much attention to before. Things I had taken for granted. I began to really see “ALL” the things God had created and put before everyone to enjoy. I saw trees go from dead-looking limbs to brand new growth in the spring. I saw flowers fade from the top of the ground only to come back in the spring. In doing so they came back more beautiful than ever. I was seeing simple things I had never paid attention to before. I was seeing my daughter in every flower, in every leaf, in every song the birds sang to me. She was telling me “mom, I’m not gone, Im here with you”. I realized God was showing me all the time that love didn’t stop when her human life stopped. It continued on and became stronger and stronger. I can love all the things God has placed before me in life and see good in all things. I don’t see death anymore as an end… I see a new beginning.. I miss the human form of life to share things with, but my precious daughter is always with me now… She’s in every flower, every tree, every little bird…she’s everywhere.. I loved her with all my heart and could never let go….But God showed me that yes you can..He gave his only begotten son….He let go….so could I.. Only then was I able to truly love everyone and everything. I found that even through the saddest, most difficult times in my life I was never alone. God never let me down and he never left me.. My daughter loved “Footprints in the Sand” and a small plaque with that on it was buried with her. Even in life she was preparing me for her death….she was telling me…”you will never be alone”…..She was right……I finally let go!!!