The Only Thing To Fear In Life Is Fear Itself

Adam - North Miami Beach, Florida
Entered on March 23, 2009
Age Group: Under 18
Themes: fear
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I believe that the only thing to fear is fear itself. This I believe because in the end of my freshman and the beginning of my sophomore years in high school, I dealt with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and a Panic Disorder. Both of those mental illnesses were based on pure fear. These illnesses came on out of the blue. Before I was diagnosed with these illnesses, I lived a very social and normal high school life. But then sometime in late March, 2008, I had a pool party with approximately 12 friends at my house. In the beginning I was having the best time, until about two hours into the party. At that point I started to feel physically ill. I thought I had just been experiencing a common bug, until I started experiencing it daily, even when I went to school. My family and I decided it was finally time to see a doctor. I was scheduled to go to the doctor after school one afternoon, but as I went to say good bye to my father as the school bus pulled up to my house, I broke down in tears as a result of fear. I was so confused, I had been going to school my whole life and just suddenly, I had become afraid of it. It was not school that I was afraid of. It was fear that I was fearing. So I saw many psychiatrists that prescribed basically every anti-depressant drug. I still felt terrible, but I was able to make it through the rest of my first year in high school. I was extremely anxious leading up to my sophomore year, but I managed to make it past the first few weeks of school. Then, I started feeling signs of anxiety once more. But at this point it came on stronger than ever, with multiple panic attacks daily. There was nowhere to escape, nowhere to hide. But I did not let this devil bring me down; I showed up to school every day and fought through the pain. I could not let myself give up and surrender to this imaginary fear. While I was in school, I would walk around with a smile on my face, and crack jokes while walking with my friends, but as soon I would arrive home, the real side of me would show; anger, distress, sadness, but most of all loneliness. At this point I asked my parents about enrolling me into the Boston University Center for Anxiety. They granted my wishes and enrolled me, I spent about four hours on the phone with them while they interviewed me, and they then gave me the dates during which I would be living up there. Luckily, right after I had the phone interview with Boston University, I decided to beat this monster on my own. I fought hard, and I prevailed. Now I am living a perfectly anxiety free life. The only thing to fear is fear itself; THIS I BELIEVE.