Ode to the Mustache

Lauren - Bloomington, Illinois
Entered on March 18, 2009
Age Group: 18 - 30
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I believe in many things. Shopping, ice cream, pearls. But, when it all comes down to it, I believe in mustaches. They endure criticism, exude hilarious, and curiously tell all about the mustachee’s lifestyle. Whether it be the handlebar, pencil thin, Hitler mustache, toothbrush, walrus, you name it, and you can picture exactly what it looks like and the ideal person to wear said ‘stache. No man is a man unless he can grow facial hair. Mustaches say “I am man, hear me roar.”

The inspiration behind the mustache could be numerous. 1. Midlife crisis. 2. One’s nose became chilly. 3. One decided the need to store leftover food on their face is necessary. 4. To appear older. 5. To seem brainy. As you can see, mustaches are handy little boogers.

To me, mustaches hold a profound connotation. My father, Steven, has the greatest mustache. Possibly ever. Standing 6 foot 2, Steve (not “Dad” or “Daddy”, but Steve) holds a certain air about him, because of the mustache, which we christened ‘Dennis’. Never have I known Steve without Dennis, and never do I plan to know Steve without Dennis. They are lifetime companions, it would be a sad day to see Dennis die. Not only does Dennis keep my dad company, but it occupies him. Sometimes Steven can be seen twisting his mustache, it really is quiet entertaining.

You may be asking, why does this person care so much about the mustache? Well, because I find it an iconic symbol. All great men have had mustaches. Chuck Norris, Johnny Depp, Cary Grant, Steve Jones, Captain Hook, all iconic men with mustaches. I truly believe that these men are so great because of their mustaches. Everything about the concept of a mustache is great: its hair, on the upper lip, there for no apparent reason- what isn’t to love?

No mustache has anything negative in it’s résumé. While men continue to grow mustaches in different lengths, styles, volume, and mantra, one thing will remain: mustaches hold ultimate power. The men with mustaches will continue to be followed and adored. Forever will society remember them, not because of their great deeds or selflessness, but because of that wonderful chunk of hair resting upon the upper lip.