Is He a LIVING God?

Vanessa - Mumbai, India
Entered on March 12, 2009
Age Group: 18 - 30
  • Listen to This I Believe on RadioPublic

  • Podcasts

    Sign up for our free, weekly podcast of featured essays. You can download recent episodes individually, or subscribe to automatically receive each podcast. Learn more.

  • FAQ

    Frequently asked questions about the This I Believe project, educational opportunities and more...

  • Top Essays USB Drive

    This USB drive contains 100 of the top This I Believe audio broadcasts of the last ten years, plus some favorites from Edward R. Murrow's radio series of the 1950s. It's perfect for personal or classroom use! Click here to learn more.

I’ve always thought of God as the rosy-faced, dewy-eyed gentleman with a kindly expression on His soft features and a luxurious mane of flowing hair replete with a bright halo around His head to complete the tranquil image. Speaking of images, I always believed you could find this man only in photo frames mounted on altars in our homes or in Church.

Until my world came tumbling down like a pack of cards. My husband and I faced an extremely traumatic and defeating phase marked by the normal problems people have…spiced with some more serious ones… a false allegation, a wrong judgement by the courts, a jail sentence, separation and the works.

I resolved not to make the error of counting on an inanimate, unfeeling God to rescue me..well, it didn’t seem He had done much so far!!! All the relatives and friends I approached to comfort me vanished into thin air!!!

Like a horse that wears blinkers, I refused to see the bigger picture and in all its totality… God was very much a part of that picture…maybe He wasn’t in the few who deserted me, but He was inside me!!!..and I had not the faintest clue!!!

Strangers came into my life by accident…all pleasant accidents…who were not blind to my silent tears but perceptive enough to see who was shedding them…the God living inside of me!!!

One kind girl who rode on the bus with me offered to let me stay with her…and get this..FOR FREE!!! She said it would be good for her to have some company…a colleague who I always assumed to be quite bitchy packed a sumptuous picnic hamper daily for 3 months!!

I used to be the ‘petty’ sort of person turning a blind eye here and a deaf ear there to people who came to me to lighten their burdens. It would take a lot more than tears to make me feel sorry and flee to someone’s aid. What gave me the right to hope for generosity when I was so incapable of showing any myself!

If Christ chose to do the same, I’d probably be found dead…why He chose to appear through me to someone else remains a mystery..But I sure am not complaining…

We humans are incapable of any kindness. So He’s left with no choice but to enter a tormented host and accomplish His work in this world…how perceptive and receptive we are of Him in a suffering soul depends on us. And that’s how He judges who is worthy of His Kingdom.

I feel honored that He came to reside in an unworthy creature and rescue me from sure doom. Truly I believe He is a LIVING God…I was blind before..Now I can see..Him not only on the walls but LIVING in me you….and all the not-so-lucky, despairing, needy, hapless and lonely brethren of ours.