I AM only here for one time.

Jolene - Puyallup, Washington
Entered on March 5, 2009
Age Group: 30 - 50
Themes: change

Over the years I have heard phrases like: “live life to its fullest,” “today is the first day of the rest of your life” and so on. It has taken a great personal loss for me to finally “get” what those types of phrases are trying to convey. Don’t get me wrong, I still struggle to “follow” those phrases – it is not something that comes easily to me. I am a worrier and living one day at a time is not a component of my personality. I am too consumed with the future and doing well to live in the moment. But these last two years have seen the loss of 90% of my immediate family and since I cannot go with them no matter how much I want to, I need to come to terms with my loss and move forward in a positive manner as they would want me to. In my opinion, the saying “it gets easier with time” is just a sentiment for a card company – it is not reality. Depending on the day, the hurt is the same or worse. But the losses have made me realize that I better reconnect with those that are still here and move forward in a positive manner. I can and will make a difference in the lives of others. I have always had an affinity for seniors and I WILL use my caring nature, assertiveness, ambitiousness and resourcefulness to be their agent of empowerment and change. Even though working with and for the elderly has always been a desire of mine, it has now become tinged with selfishness – I now get more from them then I can ever give back – they are somewhat filling the void that the losses have created. By living to help them, I am slowly finding my way back to living for me and appreciating living for the now. Through the friendships of seniors, I am learning that the cares of tomorrow can wait until this day is done.