I Believe in Understanding My Children
I believe that understanding my children starts by understanding why they act the way they do. My daughter is quiet and you hardly know she is around, yet my son would explode when he let his frustrations build up. Learning about their individual personality traits gives insight for me to understand my children.
I took the time to learn that my children had issues, or problems that they had to deal with and those troubles are just as important to them, just as the issues or problems that I may have are to me. I found that by listening to them is where I need to start, and to communicate with them on their level.
The process I had to use was seeing things that affect them on their level. This is difficult when I act like what has been said is unimportant or I act as if the statement is trivial, for example, my daughter being called a name by another child or my son holding his feelings inside about not getting a dog.
Explaining to my children that I have faults of my own, and sharing those faults with them, lets them know that I am interested in hearing what they have to say also. I spoke with my son and had him give me reasons why it was not a good time for him to have a dog. I helped my daughter to figure out why another child would call her names. This has shown them that I am willing to take the time to listen, and make suggestions without giving them the answer.
I have smart kids, and in their early ages they needed to understand and be given an explanation to an answer I gave to them. My children now, even though they are older, would prefer me to restrict their activities as punishment rather than sit them down and talk. When we discuss their problems they understand it might partly be their fault. I have found, through the years, by sharing times like this, they make better judgment calls when in questionable situations.
I try to get to know their friends and even if they are out I know that they will stop and think before they do anything that might bring harm to them.
In all I have found that showing my children that I can understand their needs and issues, I have an interest in what is going on in their lives and that gives them the security they need. My children also know that no matter how bad things may seem that, I love them and I will always be there for them.