Victims

“We are all victims in this”. Those were words spoken by my wife because of my actions.

Victims do not come in singles or pairs. It is much larger than that. In this case it is too many to name. But for starters there are my children, my wife, our families and all of our extended church families. It becomes so profound when you consider all of the lives that, all of a sudden, are affected because of my actions.

I don’t know when the victimization started. I have a good time frame physically, but where is the true beginning. I was born selfish. I never outgrew it. Is that where it began? There were nights that I only cared about what I wanted, my wife would ask me to come and keep her company. I would only consider myself. I might get mad that she disrupted my movie, or that she wanted me to not open another can of beer. There were times that my kids asked me to take them out to do something fun. I could only consider myself. I might get mad because they disrupted my movie or didn’t want me to open another can of beer. There were times when an family member called and wanted my help with something. I only considered myself. I might get mad because they disrupted my movie or didn’t want me to open another can of beer. Selfishness is a good place to start. When the world revolves around you, how can you possibly meet the needs of those who love you. And then there’s pride. I don’t know when I lost mine, If it ever existed. I have plenty of false pride. I can tell everybody what they are doing wrong (but never right). I can buy the newest gadget (it makes me feel good for awhile). I can tell you of my accomplishments (but I feel no pride). When did I get so low. I write with tears in my eyes, but I fight with anger in my soul. How did I get so low.

I believe that when we are truly humbled we are at our best. It is when others come first and we put ourselves aside that we finally get it. Now I understand pride in weariness for doing for others. Now I understand contentment with that which I have been blessed.