Why Me?

Nikkie - Waterville, Iowa
Entered on February 24, 2009
Age Group: Under 18
  • Listen to This I Believe on RadioPublic

  • Podcasts

    Sign up for our free, weekly podcast of featured essays. You can download recent episodes individually, or subscribe to automatically receive each podcast. Learn more.

  • FAQ

    Frequently asked questions about the This I Believe project, educational opportunities and more...

  • Top Essays USB Drive

    This USB drive contains 100 of the top This I Believe audio broadcasts of the last ten years, plus some favorites from Edward R. Murrow's radio series of the 1950s. It's perfect for personal or classroom use! Click here to learn more.

Growing up in a wonderful household, I never had a worry in the world. I just had things handed to me. I was immature and believed everything everyone said. I would not be ready for what was in store for me.

One day that all changed when I learned that life is not fair. I learned that things will never turn out the way I wanted them to. I learned this when my dad walked right out of my life and into another household. My life was an emotional wreck. I always asked myself what did I do to deserve this.

I learned a whole different side of my dad that I had never seen before. He would smash lamps on the floor. He often threatened to kill himself and he would sit in his kitchen and cut himself, with a knife. One day when my dad threatened to kill himself it was so bad that the police got involved. He had a gun and put it to his face. He police had a dog and they were going to release it if my dad didn’t put down the gun. He put it down, but then the cops shot him three times with bean bag bullets. They shot him in the leg, right by the eye, and by his back.

I was not there of course, but, if I would have been there, he probably wouldn’t have done it. He told me before this happened that the only thing keeping him alive was his kids and his grandma that he loved dearly. She died two years ago. So, after that, I often asked myself, why is he still living? He never calls us, he never visits us, and he is never there for us.

I feel like he was very immature for doing these things. He needs to be there for me. He doesn’t know what it feels like to grow up without a father. I used to be a daddy’s girl. We used to play around before bed time. When I was a little girl, I used to sleep in between my mom and dad. The only time I see my dad now is at the bar and the library, where he looks for girls online. He has asked me many times if I am going to come and see him on a weekend and I say yes. Then, after that, I never hear from him again.

I believe that in life there are things that are unexpected. I never thought I would have to be a parent to my father. I believe that if things happen to you at a young age it will just make you stronger . People may do stuff to bring you down but in the end it always makes you a stronger person.