God give me patience, now!
“So….who do you like?”
“I’m not telling you.”
“Who is it?”
“Stop asking I’m not telling you.”
“I already know who it is”
“Then why do you keep asking?”
“Because I just want to confirm it, tell me.”
“Fine! It’s you.”
“I know…I’m not ready to be with someone”
“I know…just forget I mentioned it”
“You know what I’ve been through, just wait”
Patience to me is to love the long run. It means letting go of all frustration and
giving in. Patience is to be slow to anger. It means that whatever you do to me you won’t
make me hate you and I won’t seek revenge. To me it means putting all
anxiety away and waiting. I believe in patience.
I had never been in that situation before. Usually when I told a guy I liked him he
didn’t tell me to wait. I put the phone down and I told my sister what had just happened.
She wasn’t much help she just said, “Be patient.” I laid down in bed and recalled a
moment in church, when our pastor preached over patience. He had said patience was
something we have to develop. I looked up at the ceiling, “God give me patience…now!”
Patience is a very important part of being Christian, but it’s clear that it does not develop
over night. I wanted to be patient and I wanted to wait, but it seemed hard.
I have known him for about three years and even though we have always been
friends there has always been something between us. His name is Marcos and he went
through a really bad divorce and wasn’t ready to jump into a relationship. He got
married without being in love. His wife had cheated on him and his pride was hurt. I
cared for him and I wanted to wait until he was ready, but that required patience. I shifted
on my bed as I played the sermon in my head, “You have to ask God for patience, but
don’t expect it to come right away.” I knew it came through time, but God had to give
me something I could work with. I sat down and grabbed a book from a stack that were
on my bed. I looked up at the ceiling once more, “God? Some kind of sign would be
greatly appreciated.” I opened my book and pretended to read.
My sister popped her head in my room. “He really cares about you,” it seemed
more like a fact than an opinion when she said it. I pushed my books off my bed to make
room for her. She sat down and we talked for a while. It seemed to me that my fourteen
year old sister had a better understanding of patience than me. She knew exactly what she was talking about. Of course, adding her fairy tale romance once in a while. She told me
to be patient. That if we were going to be together it would happen sooner or later. If not
then maybe we were better off apart. She got up and said something that became
imprinted in my head, “Your friendship is on the line and you are putting it at risk. You
have to decide if you care for him enough to wait until he is ready.” I laid down in my
bed once more. She was right, I had to be patient because if I wasn’t it meant losing him
as a friend.
Even though I knew she was right, part of me didn’t want to understand. I was
being stubborn and I didn’t want to wait. I’ve never been a patient person and it was a
huge challenge for me. I leaned down to grab my books off the floor and dumped them
on my bed. My bible was at the very top of the stack and as I dumped them it slid across
the bed. I walked around and just as I was about to close it something caught my
attention. It was a highlighted portion in the book of Salomon. It said, “I charge you, O
daughters of Jerusalem, that ye stir not up, nor awaken love, until he please.” I stared at
the verse and sat down on the edge of my bed. That’s when it became clear to me. I was
being selfish and only thinking of myself. I wanted us together now and I wasn’t thinking
about him. He wasn’t ready for anything and apparently neither was I. I had growing up
to do while he needed time to heal.
I’ve walked through many rocky roads but a very challenging one is waiting for
that special person. I’m still waiting. I’m not sure who I’m waiting for. It might be him or
maybe it’s someone else. What I do know is that it will be worth it. I learned that it
doesn’t matter how much you want something you have to wait for God’s perfect time.