nothing wasted

I believe that I believed in him.

I believe I saved his life. In fact, he believes that too. Perhaps more than I do.

I believe my love was not wasted.

Other girls got his attention though, his babies, his thoughts. Rings slipped over fingers. I believe I was left alone with my belief in him. In us.

Maybe I should have crawled into bed with him that last night. Swaddled him in my arms until the sobs came and went. We would have stayed there past the sunrise, past many. Wordless, shaking.

I am happier for leaving then. Driving away, flying away until a different sea lapped at my toes and a different language came to my ears. Until a different man filled my thoughts and my heart could let go. Until I found belief—in myself.

It could be that the physical trappings of love will visit us again, that the years will melt away those things that toughen us, that push us away. For now, he’s got babies to raise, money to make, dreams to dream, worlds to conquer. I might just do the same.

I believe my love was not wasted.