Ashley - lake isabella, Michigan
Entered on February 9, 2009
Age Group: Under 18

When I started high school, I was my older sister’s shadow. I was so insecure about myself and what other people thought about me. I failed to realize that my sister was not the right person I should be looking up to. She would go behind my back and talk crap about me and tell everyone lies. I never really knew she felt that way about me. It really hurt me when I found that out my sophomore year. I couldn’t take it anymore.

So, on the first day of my junior year I felt like everyone was judging me and staring at me. I couldn’t handle the pressure any longer. I went and started to take my Dad’s Vicodin, my Mom’s sleeping pills, and any other pills that would allow me to escape from my mind for a while. I would come to school high on pills. I felt like I was so much happier because the pills helped me forget about everything…but only for a while.

It was around Christmas time when my parents started to realize more and more of their pills were missing, my grades were dropping, and I was totally out of it every time I came home. They questioned me about it and, of course, I told them I didn’t take them. I just made up excuses like I had a bad head ache or I had a rough day at school. I didn’t think they believed me.

I started to write poems and songs about committing suicide. I felt like I didn’t want to live anymore. I started to hate taking pills because it was actually making me sick. That is when I started to cut my wrist. I felt like it helped me get my mind off my life and think about how close to death I could come. It was kind of a thrill I guess. My Mom found my journal and showed it to my Dad. It had everything I did and what I was doing in it. They made me go and see a counselor. About six months later, I realized that my life was not that bad. She made me try to challenge myself. I didn’t realize I had that many friends until I started to think more positive thoughts. I found out that people actually really liked me for me.

The next summer is when I quit everything. I wanted to prove to my parents I had changed and I didn’t think that way anymore. That is when I joined S.A.D.D. It means Students Against Destructive Decisions. I have been free from pills for over half a year now and now feel great. I don’t think you have to turn to pills to forget about everything. It did change my life, and it did help me appreciate life more. I don’t regret doing them, though, because it helped me realize there is so much more to life than we expect!