mixed emotions

Davi - Wayzata, Minnesota
Entered on January 29, 2009
Age Group: Under 18

I believe to be optimistic you must be a pessimist. I think that you must be truly sad to find happiness in life. Not meaning you have to be born a depressing person. But you do have to find the wrong doings in your life. Than see the after math of how it got better.

I have always been considered a pessimistic person. To be honest I am. I have always looked at the way things are, not how I want them to be. One day for example last year on Halloween. I got a call from my mom; I was so quick to think the worst. The first thing that I thought was “ oh my gosh my dad is hurt! Or maybe Mrs. Coleman!” It was neither of those. My mom had called to tell me I couldn’t go trick or treating with Tessa because my grade was to low in math.

That day was I not only to quick to think that something was wrong. I noticed I was so pessimistic I wasn’t happy. At all! It wasn’t that I thought the worst. I wanted the worst. I was ready to be hurt by terrible news. So from than on I started to think. Maybe I should be more optimistic.

I think for a week I kept on the positive and erased the negative. But after that everything went down hill again. I started crying more. I would try to hear the worst and keep away the best. It made my life terrible. I would think thoughts that were so crude that I didn’t even know I had them in me. The thing that really got me though, was that I didn’t want to be happy. I thought if I was happy it would all just go away to quickly. I knew optimism was too much to handle. I know how stupid it sounds, hard to be happy. It truly was though.

Finally, I had a break through. I noticed that my life wasn’t bad. I was making it bad. Every bad thing I thought was in my head. I was telling my self to think it. I finally saw how to be somewhat happy.

I know I don’t seem like a happy person even now. I am though. I don’t need someone to tell me I am. I really don’t need someone to feel bad for me. Now I know I am my own support system. If I wait for happiness I cant find happiness.

Now, I have my glass half empty, and half full. How much is left in your glass? Maybe if the world saw the sun and the moon we could all find balance in life. We can choose to be happy or sad. Like Mrs.K says “life is 1% what happens to you 99% how you react to it!”