when I Didn’t Believe

When I Didn’t Believe

When one of my best friends wrote the quote, “You were given this life because god knew you could handle it,” on the front of my tarred up, brown paper bag covered textbook, I knew that I’d need to look at that sometime in the future for comfort. I just never believed that time would be so soon.

There’s always a time in a girl’s life when she feels like the world comes crashing down on her. It’s the feeling of betrayal and the realization of all the lies that were bubbling inside of me, like a can of pop that was shaken, ready to spill and fume all over. It took only one best friend, one boyfriend, three cells phones, and a Halloween night to accomplish such a feeling.

I received the heartbreaking call in the basement in the house of, well, lets just call her Nina. By the harsh and upsetting sound of his, my boyfriend at the time, voice, I knew nothing good would come out of this conversation. It took only one sentence, just one, to make me cry for over three hours. The sentence, “I don’t think we’ve been working out.” His disappointed and uncaring tone was unbearable. Every moment, every conversation, every word of comfort went right through me, it felt like my body was trying to get rid of every ounce of water I had in me. Gripping the blanket I had around me closer, my fingers felt numb and my knuckles turned white. The difficulty of facing the truth shouldn’t have been this hard.

I lost myself for a few days after that. Everything didn’t seem right. I found out the Nina was the one that gave my boyfriend the details as to why he should consider breaking up with me but told him to sleep on it. I lost my best friend and my boyfriend. My life felt uncontrollable for the fact that I didn’t have something, or someone, to stable myself with. I had finally gotten the support I needed. Kara Holliday and my other friend we’ll just call Brad. With their advice, help, and endless amount of time talking to me, I felt my old self returning.

Taking some advice and putting it into action isn’t as easy as it looks. The advice from Brad about being the more mature person, being the so-called ‘better person’, I’ve taken in seriously. Having someone who has been through the same emotions, fights, and situations is just comforting to talk to and also take pointers from. It felt relaxing. I now avoid stupid and petty arguments thanks to that.

After all this, I talked it out with my boyfriend then, who is currently my boyfriend now, not really talking to Nina, and I’m just moving on with my life leaving the past behind me. Though the experience was one heck of a roller coaster ride, it helped me gain two amazing people who have helped me get a better outlook on life. I believe that life is fair, and that you can always gain what you have lost.