When I was a young girl I began to always felt a void deep down in my soul. I always knew I was different, but I could never exactly figure it out. After many traumatic, heartbreaking life events, the death of two grandparents and the separation of my parents, I began to wonder if my life was worth living? As years passed the depressed, lost, and worthless feelings got worse. My family told me that once I entered high school my life would change, I would meet so many people, and make dozens of friends. For me, however, that wasn’t the case.
I tried to make friends that would change my life, but I always seemed to be drawn to the people who made me feel ugly, dumb, along with all of the other feelings friends should never make their friends feel. The only reason I stayed friends with these people so long was because I was “encouraged” by family to have friends, and I didn’t want to be lonely. Eventually, I did loose some of these friends, but more then ever I felt like I wanted to die.
Time and time again, I tried to find ONE thing that would change my life. Thankfully, one winter day on December 23, 2006, I rescued a four-month-old female kitten at a veterinary hospital; I couldn’t stand there totally aware that if I didn’t take her then she would loose her life. Even though she didn’t look like the cutest kitten n the world at the time, she gave me a look; a look like she needed me in the same way that I needed her, except I had no idea that I needed her. In spite of me not knowing for sure how I needed her, I adopted her, took her home, and named her Diva.
Over the next two months our relationship grew strong. We both needed to be around each other to be happy. Until one day, I decided that no matter what I had or what I did I was useless and nothing would ever change that. I told my doctor and I was taken to a special out patient daily psychiatric hospital. Everyday for two weeks I was there. It was a great vacation from school, which I was grateful for, and I learned from talking to the staff there that I had something to live for, Diva.
After I got through the two weeks, I went back to school and even though all of the useless, lonely feelings I had came back. This time as well as in earlier times, I would think of Diva and realized that I couldn’t leave her because that would kill her, and I couldn’t do that to her. I found something to live for. I found the one thing in my life that was worth getting up for and living it the best I could.
Diva does need me like I need her. We feed off of each other’s love and that keeps us going. At times I still question it all, but I know that for at least one living thing I am worth the whole world. She is the best thing in my life and I owe everything I have to her.