Hatred and Bitterness

Micaela - summit,Il. 60501, Kansas
Entered on December 17, 2008
Age Group: 18 - 30
Themes: good & evil

You require that I say what I believe in. In truth,I believe in one thing that consists of two parts.I hold many grudges,and see this as okay. My grudges consist of two parts:hatred and bitterness. Love and kindness make one weak. Both cause individuals to be hurt. Sometimes tremendously. The way that I see,what is the point of of loving and being kind when there are people on this earth who only care about themselves? When one really gets down to the basic facts, humans are humans because they are innately monsters. For example, the first SAW movie observed how far humans were willing to go in order to survive. In one scenario, two men were trapped in a room together. At first,both men were helping each other to get out of the room.But when one of the men’s wife was in danger, he turned on the guy he’d formerly been helping and was prepared to shoot him to ensure his wife’s safety. In another scenario, a girl was strapped to a chair. Somkething was on her head that, when time ran out,would snap her head in two. In desperation, the girl eventually freed herself, but only aftger killing a semiconscious man,because the key to unlock the thing on her head was hidden inside one of the guy’s organs. My point is that when under immense pressure in trying to succeed toward something we strongly, sometimes even desperately desire, we forget our humanity and go for what we most desire by whatever means are necessary. So what I’m saying is that since many people see being human as showing love, care, concern, thoughtfulness, and other commendable qualitites, then by many people that is what being a human being is. When really, being human is being a monster also, since there are humans on this earth who only care about themselves and no one else. In treality, I’m for these people. They are the kind that don’t cause trouble toward anybody else, who mind their own business. In doing so, these types of people avoid strong, negative emotions and are able to go about their lives without a care. While others, like me, suffer because we are that type of human being who is nice and doesn’t like to cause trouble. I’m that type of person. Or-I used to be. Being pushed in the hallways, being talked down to.For a long time, I let anger and frustration build inside of me because I wouldn’t do anythingf about what was bothering me. In short, I was a pushover. However, only because I allowed it. One dahy, everything just exploded. The first semester of my senior year of high school, I was passing this one girl in the hallway. Thinking that I might have pushed her on accident, and the person she was calling a name to was me as a result, I called my enemy the same name back. Granted, the tension between us was started by me. However,I’d left the tension with our p ast meeting in the hallway. My enemy didn’t. I discover that I have American Government with this witch. She threatens me on one occasion, then throws a worksheet thatg was to be given to me on the classroom floor, leaving me to pick it up. I got angber in me at both. The tension exploded when we were given an assignment by our American Government teacher. My enemy has two sheets of the assignment and I’m waiting for her to give me my copy. She keeps reading. I felt that this girl knew that I was standing right next to her, waiting for the assignment sheet, and was purposlly not giving me my copy. Well, I got fed up. When she finally hands over one of the sheets, I snatch it out of her hand. In turn, when I set my sheet on my desk, my enemy swipes it off my desk, on to the floor, leaving me to pick it up. Again. This was the last straw. I fokllowed her out into the hallway and said tro her some unrepeatable things. Then I walked away. Afterward, my enemy came rushing to my side, ranting and raving abouit what I had called her. We both get sent to the dean. She tells her side of the story first, and when it’s my turn, I at first deny having called her what I did,simply because I thought I couldn’t remember what I said through my anger and thought she might have been lying. When I look back however, I do remember having called her the deserving names she earned. Anyway, we both get sent home for “school disruption”. At mentoring, we both tell our sides of the story again, only this time I admit to calling her the names she said I called her. We agree to not speak to each other from there on out. Now on the mentroring slip, it was written that we had said sorry to one another. I did not, I repeat, I did not say I was sorry to my enemy. Just because we admit to calling each other names and agree to not speaking to each other does not mean we’re sorry. I sure wasn’t. I’m not now. That witch can burn in heck for all I care. If I was soft, I would forgive my enemy and say I was sorry, knowing she’d still be my enemy. But I’m not weak. Love and kindness just make room for people to push others around. Hatred and bitterness make one strong. Like with my enemy. I hate her type, she could die for all I care, so I’m indifferent toward her, and I’m bitter toward all the people who have caused me grief. Bitterness and hatred lend one strength. They are essentials in surviving cruel social life. This-I believe.