Let go and Let God

For most of my life I have been unable to deal with change. I could never decide what shoes to buy, what shirt to wear, or even if I wanted to go to the store or not. I simply could not make choices because I feared change.

When I was thirteen years old, the biggest change in my life occurred. My parents announced that they were having another baby. For thirteen years I had been the youngest in my family with only one sibling who was two years older than me. Upon hearing this news I was instantly sick to my stomach and I nearly threw up. The news was so overwhelming that I could not, would not, accept the change. Ten days after my fourteenth birthday, my mom gave birth to a bouncing baby boy. When I first saw him, I was overcome with joy. I suddenly realized that change is not something that should be avoided, but rather it should be embraced.

One thing that I don’t ever tell anyone is that I never wanted my brother to be born. I had even prayed that there would be a miscarriage. Looking back, I realize that I was probably the most selfish person in the world. To this day I cannot forgive myself for thinking that way. What it all came down to was the simple fact that I could not cope with change and I didn’t want to change. My brother is three years old now and he is the greatest blessing of my life. Whenever people see him they say he is just like me.

Since the birth of my brother, I have been more open to change than ever before. I have found that by embracing change I am less stressed and more positive. I am able to handle almost anything life throws at me. I have often been the very image of bad luck and I seem to be plagued with injuries and terrible events. I am currently struggling with a knee injury and a potential tumor growing on my shoulder. My mom was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. Through all of this I am confident that everything will turn out okay. I will continue to roll with the punches and trust that everything happens for a reason. As my parents always say, “Let go and let God.”

So I will embrace the changes to come, for without change discoveries wouldn’t be made, problems would never be solved, and in my case, a loving bond with my brother would never have been made.