There are many core beliefs and insights about my life negative and positive. There is one belief that I try to live by everyday and make a change in life. I can make a difference. I believe that anyone can.
I grew up as a negative person, feeling like it was almost impossible to do anything. I had a family and “friends” that were in my ear about what I could and could not do. I always wanted to be a musician and I was always told at an early age that I would not be able to. For a while I started to believe I could not do a lot of things to. I felt I was not good enough to play basketball and run track in college. I felt that there was no way I would survive in college, that I was not good enough. It took me forever to believe in me like I do now.
My mother always believes I can do anything even. Whenever I make a move she has something bitter-sweet to say about it. When I got out of the studio she would say something like, “You sung well but you sounded like a baby because you were scared in the studio.” How does she know that when she is not there with me? Does it show that badly? I knew I had to fix that. It took me forever to stop being so scared. I felt it was impossible to make a difference. All I got is negative feedback. Music is the only thing I thought I had confidence in. Even though people say negative things about my music, I still get more positive feedback and opportunities.
When I think about it, in a little way, I have made a difference. I can make a change on the court, track, election booth, and in my family. I can make a difference by being the second female to graduate college in my family, I made a difference in the 2008 election for president, I was back to back district champion in high school, and I made a difference on the court a lot of times. I believe I can make a difference with my music. Almost every female in my family can sing and about three of us want to be a musician. If I become a professional musician, then I can be the first female in my family to make it and can change the world with my music.
When I first came to UTEP,I thought I would not be as good as anyone on the court but when I saw the female basketball team play I realized their were girls that played at my level and made mistakes just like I did. So I decided I would tryout for UTEP if I decided to stay.
I was discourage that I started gaining weight and sleeping. UTEP basketball team gave me confidence to want to work out and work on my game.
When I first got here I felt alone. I did not any many people and I stayed to myself. I wanted to go home and give up on UTEP. I was planning on never coming back after the break in the beginning of the year. I was so low that my grades fell tremendously and I had already got dropped form my first class in October. I was failing the easiest classes I had. When I told my mother she was telling me how my brother was living on the street, could not keep a job, and smoking weed. She worked hard to raise us by herself so I did not want to be I is a disappointment to her. I wanted to be different, someone she could be proud of and maybe I could change my brother ways. I decided that no matter how bad I felt I would never give up.
If you believe in yourself through all the negative feedback, you can make a difference. Even if you get discourage just stay focused and remember you can make a difference, big or small.