This I Believe

Jasmine - Fremont, Ohio
Entered on December 11, 2008
Age Group: 18 - 30
Themes: addiction
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This I Believe

I used to feel like I was plagued by a lack of belief in anything. It was just me against the world. Waking up, I used to feel like a 60 year old rolling out of bed; the things I put my body through took a toll. Drugs and alcohol sound great—until you factor in the hangovers, regret, depression, or the loneliness that started the whole cycle in the first place. By the age of 18 I was a bona fide drug addict with no direction. I sank far enough into my addiction, to the point where I had to make a choice. Either change my ways or die. I had hurt those closest to me in order to ensure my own self-gratification.

Movies make recovery from addiction look painful, dramatic but really rewarding. The truth is, recovery—like a lot of life—is just really, really tedious. Recovery truly happens moment by moment. By the second week of rehab, I was unbelievably bored and ready to go back to my “exciting” life. But, I was forced to stick it out and I’m unbelievably grateful that I did.

Sometimes I wish I can go back and erase my loved ones heartache that my addictions have caused for them the past 4 years. But the majority of the time, I don’t regret any part of my life. For me, experience really was the best teacher. I just had to learn the hard way. I’m in the beginning phases of recovery and the urge to succumb to my addiction is always there, but I realize that I was basically given a second chance on life and I refuse to give that up. Sometimes it takes living on the margins of life to truly find your center…and what you really believe in. This I believe.