The Journey to Forgivness

Cierra - Jefferson City, Missouri
Entered on December 11, 2008
Age Group: 18 - 30
Themes: forgiveness
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HURT ANGER PAIN SUFFERING. All those emotions roamed through my head every time I would look at him. He was nothing to me. Not my family, just a piece of disgusting trash. He was a stranger in my house walking pass me daily. Day and night I felt trapped by the hell he was raising towards me. I was afraid to let out a little cry for help or fight back. Having to look at him even for a quick second made me sick. His room was the pits of HELL. His touch burned my soul. I could never get rid of it no matter how hard I scrubbed. This wasn’t right. How could a family claim they love you in the morning, but when night hits, hurt you constantly, making you feel disgusted and unwanted. I trusted him. I expected more out of him then this sin he was committing. I became BITTER. Murder was on my mind. Every smile he gave, I wanted to whack it off. When he talked or walked near me, I wanted to blow up his head. Take away his joyous life, causing him darkness like my life had become. The anger and hatred towards him overtook my life, affecting me physically and emotional. I became miserable. I was becoming weaker he was getting stronger. His life was soaring while mine was sinking. I could feel the life draining from my body. All this pain, anger and hatred overshadowed my body. I was losing hope, until one day I SNAPPED.

I got up enough courage and strength to go to church. I was sitting in the back pew, waiting for the sermon to get over, hoping that Satan would not be home waiting to harass me, when the pastor started speaking on forgiveness. I couldn’t understand what FORGIVENESS meant at that point. I knew it meant to let go and let God take care, but I didn’t fully understand the powerful meaning. The way my pastor was explaining it I wanted more of it. I wanted to understand and feel what forgiveness felt like. One thing that really touched my heart was a quote he said “FORGIVE OTHERS AS GOD FORGIVES YOU”. I felt a tingling sensation sweep over my body, finding myself getting up headed straight to the altar. I felt the light touch of an angel uplifting this weakening torn body. Laying there on the altar, all the anger hurt pain hate suffering, bundled up in my heart for so long finally burst out. I let out a loud cry. I felt the presence of God, lifting up the burden that had me shackled down for four years.

At that point I had started my process of forgiven him.

I believe in FORGIVENESS. Forgiving him helped me BREATH again. Forgiveness helps you get through your life a little bit easier. I believe that God put me through this situation to understand and feel how it is to FORGIVE.