Until I See Her Again

megan - wichita, Kansas
Entered on December 11, 2008
Age Group: Under 18
Themes: death

This is what I believe. I believe that time is a gift. Every second I am given with the ones I love is a gift, but it is sometimes so very limited, therefore I must always remember to make the best of what I have left. Also I believe that within time I must always find happiness.

My granny was in my eyes, the greatest granny of all grannies. When she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer we all knew that the time we had left with her was cut short. To help me deal with this, I accepted the fact that there was a reason, and everything was happening for a purpose. I needed to accept His plan, but this was probably one of the hardest things that I will ever struggle with. Within a year and a half it was a constant rollercoaster, never knowing what the next doctors’ appointment would bring, but she fought on. For a good nine to twelve months before she passed away she was able to do things that gave me memories to last a lifetime, things that make me think of her and will remind me of her forever. There was so much love within that year that I will never forget. And then she went, but I know that she was ready to go.

So many things happened during that time of our lives. Things were said that without all the pain and hurt might not have been said at all, and there isn’t a thing that I regret not being able to say because I said it all. I told her everything that I wanted to. Sometimes I feel selfish for feeling comfort about telling her everything I needed to, to help cope, but it helps me to be at peace with how fast she went.

It has been a little over a year now and looking at myself I feel as though so much of me and the person I have become today are because of her. She taught me something in which I believe to be one of the most valuable lessons of life, to enjoy it and be happy. Find the happiness, for it is a blessing, and to laugh as much as possible with those who I love because laughter is the key to a full and happy life. I also feel as though she is still teaching me even as she is gone now. She taught me to never let the chance to say how I feel pass under my feet because life is unpredictable; she taught me what I believe, life is a gift and every moment is a miracle.

Within the last week of my grannies’ life I did end up saying all that I wanted to say, and those three words I told her every single day were I Love You. I now know that those words will be enough to last until I see her again.