Unconditional Love

Rachel - Biloxi, Mississippi
Entered on December 10, 2008
Age Group: 18 - 30
Themes: birth, family, love

Throughout my life I have often wondered what unconditional love was, or if it even existed. My parents always said they loved me, but I could not comprehend how they loved me even when I was disobedient. My lack of understanding of unconditional love resulted in many failed relationships. I have always been quick to love, and to devote all my time and attention to someone. Throughout life, I never questioned why I was so willing to give so much to other people. My problem with unconditional love was rooted in my inability to forgive and forget. Today, I believe in unconditional love.

Throughout my teenage years, I spent a lot of time doing drugs and disliking myself. I did not want to be my own friend. I had several friends through the years; all but one of them came and went. I had been in too many relationships, romantic and platonic alike, before I was 21. My senior year in high school was wasted on drug use. I made it my job to upset the people who loved me. I was certain they would stop loving me if I kept throwing my life away.

My adult years rendered many hardships. When I met my husband, I became a little more willing to place trust in unconditional love. I never understood completely, but I put my best foot forward in all that I did. I believed that if I did my best then he would not have a reason not to love me. This only added to the pressure of everyday life, and soon, I could not do it anymore. I found myself begging for help. So, I went to rehab. After that experience, I started to like myself. I wanted to be my own friend for the first time in my life.

The days I spent with myself were more valuable than I would have ever imagined. Family members are usually the only people who stick around after being put through such hardships. My husband stuck by my side, and I started to believe in unconditional love. I became pregnant, and throughout my pregnancy, I began to understand the concept of unconditional love. The anticipation of holding my child and the plans I had for him once he was born completely lifted me out of the world I was trying to erase. I will never forget about my addiction, and that is why I will forever be thankful.

The day I delivered my son I felt unconditional love. I looked into his eyes and I saw unconditional love for the first time. This love is pure, easy, and given without thought. My little boy is three now, and I find myself immersed in this love for him. I never imagined I would be given such a beautiful life. My son and his father are my proof that this kind of love exists. My child has taught me so many things about life, and with that, I believe in unconditional love.