Belonging–Not Me

Kyrissa - Park Hills, Missouri
Entered on December 8, 2008
Age Group: Under 18

Work. You hear laughter, people getting together, friendships forming–but not me. Home. You hear siblings laughing, parents interacting, and everyone sitting together-but not me. School. You see friends together, laughter, and becoming the best of friends–but not me. I have come to believe that no matter where I am, I will never belong.

Home is a place where your family gathers together and you learn the basics of loving and belonging–but not me. My home is great, I have two loving parents and great brothers, but sometimes it’s as if I’m never really there. I sit in my room and wonder, when will I learn to love as my family does? I consume myself in poetry and write about not belonging, heartbreak, and pain. Am I doing something wrong or am I just incapable of reaching out to others?

School is a place of learning, forming friendships and learning how to become close to others–but not me. Have you ever had that dream where you’re walking down the hallway and everyone’s staring at you? Or the one where you’re talking to your “friends” or a group of people but they don’t really hear you? Welcome to my world. I can be surrounded by everyone, but I feel like they aren’t really listening. Don’t get me wrong, I have many friends that love me. But when will I belong?

Church, a place of religion, growth, love, and family–me! I have come to realize that no one can ever tell me I don’t belong. When I walk in to church, I walk into my home, my place of belonging. When I’m in the midst of worshipping with God, no one can bring me down. When I have no one to turn to, I can just pray. There will be, and have been, many times when I lose a friend, but God is always there. I have made many mistakes in my life, and many of my friends and family have turned on me, but my God is a forgiving God, and will never let me go. When I am in my quiet happy place; God is right there beside me, pulling me through to the light.

Bright light, pearly gates, forgiving Father–Home. I may feel I don’t belong at certain times, or that I don’t fit in, but I will always have a place to go. I have come to realize that because of my faith and God, I belong everywhere, and no one can ever take that away. I no longer ask myself, “When will I belong?” Instead I sit and wonder: how many others can say that they truly belong?