The Choice

Brittany - Greenwood, South Carolina
Entered on December 8, 2008
Age Group: 18 - 30

Let’s go back, way back, before you were born: Did you choose if you wanted to be a boy or girl? How about what physical features you have? Or maybe who your parents would be? Of course not! See, just like you, I had no control over these things. For these reasons and many more, I believe that I had no choice that I was born gay.

I always thought life would be as open and inviting as I made it; I was wrong, dead wrong. The people that surround me prove me wrong time and time again. In my wildest nightmares, I never dreamt that the first people to blindside me with such hatred would have been my family.

Let me take you back with me to a day that will live in infamy for the rest of my life.

One day in high school, I came home to find my belongings packed in trash bags and my room a disaster. My aunt, father, and grandmother were there waiting for me with closed minds, and closed fists. I walked out of that house with more than physical injuries; my heart and soul were crushed. That unforgiving day was the day I stopped believing in unconditional love; that day shattered everything I’d ever known.

From that day on, I could no longer be my daddy’s little girl; according to him, I wasn’t even his daughter anymore. After everything sunk in, I became depressed and turned to drugs to take me out of the hell I was living in; and that took the pain away, even if just for a little while.

It took a lot of mistakes to wake me up and get me back to the person I knew I was. Finding the strength to carry my head high and be proud of whom I was took everything I had left. Luckily, I caught myself before I fell too far.

There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t feel like I’m being judged. Maybe I’m just paranoid, or maybe that’s the way it really is. In the past five years I have grown a thick layer of skin towards the judgmental population; I wouldn’t be able to make it through half my day if I didn’t have this skin.

Plenty of people are curious as to why I came out if I knew what was going to come of it. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but I never imagined that it would be almost unbearable. Every single day I’m proud of who I am; I don’t deny that I am gay. After everything that I went through, no one can bring me down anymore; I’m stronger than that. If I had the choice, I would take the easier path any day. Anyone who wants walk in my shoes, be my guest. At the end of the day, tell me if you think that being gay is a choice.