This I Believe

Tommy - Ashburn, Virginia
Entered on December 2, 2008
Age Group: 18 - 30
Themes: love
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I believe in love at first sight. I also believe in how you can just stumble across love, the way that when you are hanging out with friends and you meet a special someone. I believe in the first kiss, the feeling that goes through you, making you feel all warm inside.

I remember it was a nice spring day, a day with everyone out and about. That day was the first day I went tanning, with the girl that I loved. She had long black hair, brown eyes, and the warmest smile; beautiful, the type that can never be copied by surgery or make-up. She was my inspiration, my everything. We had a “date” to go tanning that day, before we went to my friend’s pool party. It was a Friday-the best day of the week, a day where you can chill and hang with friends until dawn. She had been to the salon before, and she reassured me that everything was going to be okay. Having never been tanning before made me nervous, you know, butterflies in your stomach.

We had arrived at the tanning salon, and, all of a sudden, my fears went away. I felt alright, safe; she made me feel that way. No one has ever been able to do that except for my parents; this was when I became conscious and realized that I loved this girl. She made me smile more often, and my mom asked me questions like “Why are you so happy now-a-days?”, and she made my day go by so well. I loved her; I’m not ashamed to say it. Many people are, believing that it will make the relationship weaker by saying the dreaded “L” word. I disagree. If you love someone, they have a right to know and you have the right to tell them.

After the tanning session, we went to my house to pick up a few things for the pool. While we were at Joe’s house, we swam in the pool, talked in the hot tub, and grilled up steaks, hot dogs, and burgers. They were all delicious. It was the greatest night of my life until my two friends who just broke up started causing drama. I went to talk to them with Lauren—the girl I loved, and it was all sorted out. Then I was thinking that I would like to talk to Lauren before she left. We went to her car and talked outside for a while, telling each other how much fun we had here and where we were going off to college, all that jazz.

Then I made the biggest mistake of my life. I told her that I loved her. Hehe oops. Yeah, it became a huge problem, first with awkward conversations in school, and second no more hanging out. I would have liked to tell her more about it, but she wouldn’t listen. She basically ignored me. She told me how it wouldn’t work. We were going off to different colleges, almost five hours away.

I wish that I could redo that night. Not tell her this right away; let her find out another way, not like that; not telling straight out, it’s not my style anyway. I wanted love; I wanted no one else to get in our way. I thought only about myself and how this could benefit me. Selfish. Although we talk still, we are just friend, but I wish it were different. I can’t change what I did in the past and never will be able to. I love her still, and always will. I believe in love.