I Think, I Believe

Carlyn - San Luis Obispo, California
Entered on November 13, 2008
Age Group: 18 - 30
Themes: humanism
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I believe in the resilience and strength of the human mind, with its catalogs of mysterious mechanisms, each of which working tirelessly to preserve the human spirit. When exceptionally tragic events take place, the mind immediately acts to obstruct any feelings sparked from such events from being fully experienced. I believe because I have experienced my own mind’s subconscious power to do exactly that. Many unspeakable events have taken place in my few years on earth, but until recently I had no conceived notion that my childhood was anything but the norm. The traumatic events that took place never seemed that serious to my child-like brain. Only now, as I am a grown, matured woman, are the memories of my youth revealing to me the genuine tragedy contained within them. My fully developed mind is currently capable of bearing the incredible weight of the anger, grief, shame, and other agonizing feelings, all of which were originally suppressed. It’s as though my mind sets a time-delay from the moment something happens to the moment it is processed. Only now, after those many years can I appreciate what my young mind accomplished in the midst of such chaos in order to help preserve my life. I continue to experience moments where my mind is out of my own control; times when some unknown instinct forces itself upon my will. Now I am invincible; at least that is how I feel. Nothing fazes me when I first experience it. My mind avoids processing the severity of any event until quite some time later in a situation where it is safe to experience the pain that the incident had caused. If I had to endure the potent emotions I now feel towards my family when I was a child, I would not be here today. Such crushing blows to the human psyche are even hard to tolerate now, when I am not currently immersed in a dangerous situation. My mind knew, before I was even able to comprehend, that if I were to really feel the extent to which I was damaged, my fragile youth would shatter into a million pieces. Instead, my mind utilizes the method of which I speak today. I guess that makes me tough. It’s like I have a selective barrier surrounding me; keeping emotion out, keeping reality out. Nothing can get by without the approval of my subconscious. My mind is much more powerful than my will. My underdeveloped brain could not have possibly willed the complex survival techniques into existence that have served me so effectively. I believe in the mind’s innate supremacy over conscious thought; it has the ability to exercise its power to alter the manner in which our brains willfully process information. I believe that the subconscious human mind is our best defense against the evil done to us in this world: We have the capability to overcome enormous misfortune thanks to the mind’s resolve to safeguard the originally unadulterated spirit contained within us all.