Love is a Choice

Marissa - Riverside, California
Entered on November 12, 2008
Age Group: 18 - 30
Themes: love
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Have you ever felt like giving up on life? You want to start out fresh, but yesterday hangs over and tomorrow comes unprepared. Have you ever felt tired of feeling; tired of pain and disappointment? Have you ever asked yourself; is it really worth moving on? I believe we all have had to ask ourselves these questions. And I believe the answer lies in the word love. People live for it. People die for it. And when they don’t have it, they go on hoping to someday find it.

For me, it all started about a year ago. I had just come home from boarding school, and was ready to begin my last few years of family life at home. Then my mom left my dad. I understood; it happens a lot. They didn’t have a very good marriage and sometimes people just get tired.

My dad receives benefits from his work for me to have free tuition at La Sierra University. But over the course of the year I went from feeling like Princess University to Cinderella. In just a signature, he reduced me from a four thousand dollar credit to a twelve thousand dollar dept, including all my financial aid. Then he proceeded to kick me out of the house. Now everything was gone; my home, my family, even my future was at stake. That is when I came to realize the truth about love.

I believe love is a choice. It’s because people choose to love themselves that there is so much pain in the world.

After the most stressful time of my life, I managed to get him to reinstate my tuition benefits, which really meant nothing more to him than a means through which he could manipulate me.

I know I can’t accept what he is doing, because it’s not ok, but I can make a choice. I can choose to feel sorry for myself for all the things that have happened. I can choose to hate him. But what would it lead to? My dad made that choice and it led him to perpetuate his depression and bitterness, and to spoil all his family relationships through his self absorbing actions. It would lead me down the same direction, making me more miserable and causing me to make others miserable. Instead of continuing that cycle I make the choice to forgive. I make the choice to love.