no longer a family

Savanna - ault, Colorado
Entered on November 4, 2008
Age Group: Under 18
Themes: family

No longer a family

I believe that no families can stay together forever anymore or at least without being happy. Most every family I know is broken with divorce or if not, the parents have some kind of marital problems instead. They are even predicting that for my generation, it is going to be a common thing to get divorced once and then remarried. It will be totally normal for us. We will grow up and get married for the first time, then after some time, remarry and have our kids. As much as I don’t want to believe this, I do.

It happened to me when I was twelve years old. My mom left my dad for someone else. She had asked for my brother and I’s approval of remarrying to Steve but we disagreed. Obviously she didn’t care because now they are married and we live with them seventy five percent of the time. I have to admit, this is not what I wanted to become of the actual family I once had. No one knows it and could never tell but truthfully I am not very happy with my home life. I feel as if I don’t have a real family; just a bunch of people living under the same roof as me who really don’t matter to each other or care for one another. It hurts terribly but I don’t really have enough drive to fix it anymore. I just must go through life everyday living the same way without anyone knowing how I feel about the attention and “family love” that I lack.

My dad lives alone in an apartment working twenty four seven and seeing us twice a week only. My mother and step father are always arguing and fighting but try to hide it because they want everyone to think that we are the perfect family. The few fortunate friends that I have that still have two parents together, I envy them everyday. I look at them eating dinner together as a whole and laughing and enjoying being together and secretly just wish that I could, maybe have that again someday. I have two step brothers and one step sister to be exact. My eldest step brother and step sister despise us, which sadly I don’t really blame them sometimes. They don’t talked to us though, let alone stay with us. Although, my younger step brother stay with us half of the time and tries to fit in with the crazy, confusing so called “family” we have but does not get along.

Divorce is a treacherous thing that no one can really understand until it actually happens to them. I am seeing families get torn apart more and more. It is such a common thing now a day. If I had it my way, divorce would not be allowed. I have seen what it has done to me and my siblings and it makes me so ashamed and infuriated because it has complicated our lives in so many ways. I have seen what it has done to one of my friends and what it has led her to doing; going into deep depression, cutting, feeling alone, becoming anorexic and trying to gain more control over her life. Yeah I have been through it all too. It can really mess someone up. You have to go back and forth all the time not remembering which house you are going to be at one night or the next, and having to adjust to both of the different lifestyles. It is not right. Family (noun): a group of closely related parents and children, living together who love one another and are understanding. This should be the true definition of a family. I know this will never change though. This I believe.