Happiness is not a requiement

Roxana - San Antonio, Texas
Entered on October 23, 2008
Age Group: Under 18
Themes: setbacks

It made no sense how the two people I loved most could scream that loud. I could hear things banging around from the outside of the door. My 11 year old brain could not contain itself. I cried like Nile in Egypt flowed. That’s when I decided, I believe that 11 year old children should not have to fall asleep listening to their parents screams.

It wasn’t long before I had to watch him walk out the door. His hands were so full with baggage but his face was so empty with pain. It was the first time my heart broke. I stood in the window and I watched him drive away in that stupid truck that I hated. Not knowing when he would return. How could someone who helped give me life, leave it and not care to explain why? It started a fury inside me, my mom loved how hurt it made me. And every night she pretended to pick up the pieces, but I didn’t care. In the end it all ended up being her propaganda. I believe that little girls should not have to watch their daddy’s leave because of unknown reasons.

I turned 12 soon after and I did see my dad. Sooner than I could have imagined there were lawyers asking me which parent I wanted to live with, right in front of my mom. She had just coached me outside and I was so scared I would say the wrong thing and make her mad. My whole world was upside down. My brother and I lived at our house with mom, and dad lived somewhere else. I went to see him every other weekend and Wednesdays. But my brother never did. With his new job at Fed Ex he worked late. I know my mom loved to watch me sit by the door with all my things packed ready for him to be there. Every fight started with “That’s exactly why I divorced him!” I believe that a child should not have to choose which parent she loves moe.

Soon the fury was being reciprocated through the other side. I didn’t understand? My mom always told me stuff about my dad but he never said anything, until now. I was being played by both sides. Everyone wanted me to believe what they had to say but everything said was totally opposite. My feelings were tied, I loved both my parents but they were putting me in this ugly position. Everything I did at my mom’s house was wrong. Nothing was ever my brother’s fault, just mine. And my dad missed my brother so much, that’s all he had to say, he didn’t recognize that I was there! I didn’t want to be at either house, neither offered me anything. I felt so alone, and it’s all because of this dumb divorce. What happened to my childhood, where had it all gone? I used to care only about swimming and chasing butterflies, but now I’m in the middle of an unknown problem. I believe that children shouldn’t have to grow up young and make adult decisions.

When you’re a child your parents are everything. They are superhero’s, the ones who kiss your boo boo’s when you get hurt. But all I can remember was fighting and anger. I believe that a person shouldn’t know real pain at 12 years old. I believe that a little girl shouldn’t be pestered by lies on both sides to prove a point. I believe that playing with the water hose should be the only worry of a little girl, not having to please both parents. I believe that a child should never have to question the love of a parent.

Most of all I believe that a child can grow from divorce. I grew up at 12 years old and if it wasn’t for it, I wouldn’t be who I am. It has helped shape my point of view, morals, and future. Never will anything stop me from achieving my goals. I can conquer all, through God and through my self determination. I am all the stronger, and I believe that happiness is an option not a requirement in life.