What do I believe? I have always believed that there is purpose in life. I have to believe that we are only given what we can handle. And that means that I must be able to handle a lot! As do many of the women I know. Are my shoulders bigger than others? I don’t know. I do know that when I was about to be born, no one said to me, “Here’s what’s in store for you: Just as you’re getting your footing as an adult, you’ll meet the love of your life. This person will totally complete you. This person will be able to tell you ‘no’ and make it stick. This person will laugh in all the right places and hold your hand when the times are tough. This person will embrace your family and bring you into a family that will embrace you as well. This person will support your dreams – even the wacky ones. This person will also hold you while you cry; when your own body won’t let you do the one thing you’ve wanted to do in your whole entire life; have your own children – even when this person was a parent before they met you. This person will tell you that ‘it’s not you’ even when it very well might be – though no doctor will be able to tell you why your body rejects all embryos.”
Whoever the ‘they’ is didn’t go on to say, “Then, this person will be diagnosed with a disease. A disease you can’t see, a disease you can’t predict. They will be diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis (MS) and every day for the rest of your lives will start with you asking them, ‘how do you feel?’ before you do anything. And every day the answer will be ‘achy’ or ‘like a truck ran me over’ or ‘horrible’. The answer to that question will never be, ‘great’ or ‘pretty good’ or ‘fine, you?’
The ‘they’ didn’t say that every day will be filled with hurt, guilt, and pain. The ‘they’ didn’t say that you’ll feel empty when you see other people with children or couples not dealing with a chronic disease on a day to day basis. The ‘they’ didn’t say that you will get up every day and go to work and be the breadwinner in your house and how hard on you that would be.
What do I believe? I believe that there is purpose in this life. That I was brought to this world, not to make yet another peanut butter and jelly sandwich, but to take care of the love of my life. Brought into this world to be the best Auntie to 18+ actual family and countless dear friend’s children. Brought into this world to feed our family and friends both literally and through humor and love
I have to believe this. Why? Because I can’t imagine how much more I am slated to get. I just can’t. So in attempting to look at life as half full and not half empty, I am going to be the best spouse, the best daughter, the best sister, the best Auntie and the best friend that I can. Being all those things will make me the best human that I can. That is what I believe.