I believe my head hurts.

Sam - Marietta, Georgia
Entered on October 17, 2008
Age Group: Under 18
  • Listen to This I Believe on RadioPublic

  • Podcasts

    Sign up for our free, weekly podcast of featured essays. You can download recent episodes individually, or subscribe to automatically receive each podcast. Learn more.

  • FAQ

    Frequently asked questions about the This I Believe project, educational opportunities and more...

  • Top Essays USB Drive

    This USB drive contains 100 of the top This I Believe audio broadcasts of the last ten years, plus some favorites from Edward R. Murrow's radio series of the 1950s. It's perfect for personal or classroom use! Click here to learn more.

I believe my head hurts.

I believe that if you are thinking, you are moving. I believe that segues are overused but underappreciated. I believe that any insult worth spouting needs at least 3 weeks of preparation, and the proper instruments to detect whether the context is correct. I believe that learning how to play violin isn’t worth my time. I believe the kerchunk sound that staplers make is more amusing than any music. I believe that there must be some sort of adhesive under my keyboard, because all the refuse stuck under there won’t come off. I believe that I’ve never used that little nub in the middle of the keyboard to move my mouse accurately and can’t seem to learn how. I believe that life is about three reference manuals shorter than we make it, but you need to read the rest of them really well.

I believe that “interwebs” is a word, and should be in the dictionary. I believe that if you put it on Youtube, they will come. I believe that absolute anonymity corrupts absolutely. I believe that if nobody calls you an idiot for what you’re saying, you’re not making enough of a point. I believe that compliments are fleeting, but insults are forever. I believe that guilt is a great motivator in a pinch. I believe making fun of yourself should be a requirement in a job interview.

I believe that if you chase perfection, you’ll find that it’s always a bit faster than you. Although, I believe that if you can still see it, every step toward it is a step in the right direction. I believe that the right direction is full of sharp turns and poorly labeled signs. I believe that people put more thought into following directions than writing them. I believe that verbatim always gets it completely right or completely wrong. I believe having to choose lesser evil isn’t worth your time. I believe Cthulu should be an acceptable write-in candidate.

I believe that Episcopalian is fun to say. I believe that people should wake up and smell the coffee. I believe coffee smells great, but tastes horrible. I believe if you say something that leaves a bad taste in your mouth, consider what else you might have swallowed. I believe that palate cleansers don’t have any taste. I believe that taste is in the eye of the beholder. I believe that if you don’t see the light, try looking in the dark, there might be a flashlight there. I believe that darkness is conducive to thought. But, I believe that just thinking about anything won’t get you very far, but it will keep you moving, just don’t trip in the dark.

I believe that almost all conclusions are cliché. I believe that if you can’t come to a conclusion, your thoughts aren’t moving you very far. I believe that words don’t make you think, you do. I believe I need some water after saying all of that.