Is Fogivenss Necessary?

Crystal - San Antonio, Texas
Entered on October 17, 2008
Age Group: Under 18
Themes: forgiveness
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Forgiveness can be a hard thing to do. I know it can be for me. Though, I think it is something we should all do.

I was in middle school and my so-called “best friend” wanted me to go with her to the book fair. So, not knowing what I was about to get myself into, I went with her to go “buy” some books. The problem was we didn’t have money. She had known there was a book that I had wanted to buy but did not have money at the time to buy it. She came over to me, staring and said, “lets just steal it, it’ll be so much easier and you won’t have to pay.” So, I figured she was right about that but didn’t think it was really the right thing to do. Though, being the age I was and not really knowing how to say “no”, I agreed to do it. Five minutes later I walked out of the book fair with too books, no charge, and did not get caught. I was in some way proud of myself because I didn’t get caught but also terrified of getting caught at the same time.

As the morning started out I got to English, where I’d have to say was my scariest class because of my teacher. With her army voice and waving arms, she was pretty tough teacher. One of my closest friends was in that class with me but not at my table and I had to let someone know and fast before I was about to scream. So, being the middle school kid I was, I wrote a note to tell her since I could not possibly wait a measly thirty minutes. I threw it the moment my teacher turned around and it flew directly towards my friends’ hands. Though, being the amazing note-catcher she was, she dropped it making a loud smack on the floor as the corner of it hit. It had seemed as if the world had heard and seen what was going on. I could feel my eyes turn into puddles of water as my teacher went over to pick up the top-secret note to read.

That day was the day I thought I had let EVERYONE in my family down. I thought I would be a disgrace to my family and to my friends. That was also the day my so-called “best friend” had become just a friend, not even a friend, an acquaintance. I was extremely enraged at her. It was practically all her fault this even happened. I thought that I’d never forgive her, ever. As well as myself, I couldn’t believe I had really done such a thing. I did get suspended for three days when my acquaintance, as I should say, got in not trouble at all. I held this over both of us for a long time.

I eventually did end up saying I forgave her and myself, which was not really true. I could still feel this grudge I had over her and me. This had gone on for about a year and a half. I had told my dad about this feeling I still had and he told me that if I don’t forgive her or myself then I won’t be free or happy. So I finally, really forgave. After doing this, I felt better, but I could still feel that there was something there. I still needed to ask the Lord to forgive me. Once I did that I knew that all was fine.

I believe that if you don’t forgive then you cannot live a happy life because unforgiveness nurtures bitterness and stress, which in turn kills the spirit.