I Still Need Him

Chlesea - San Antonio, Texas
Entered on October 16, 2008
Age Group: Under 18
Themes: death

I Still Need Him

I believe he will never leave completely. He has been gone for 5 years, but I can still feel him beside me. I don’t think I could take it if he left me forever. It will never bet time to move forward. There is no forward without him.

2003, the year my uncle was diagnosed with liver cancer. My uncle relied on his relationship with alcohol and smokes. After this diagnoses he had to battle alcoholism and addiction to smoking. An impossible task for some to do in a lifetime, yet he did it in 1 day. Even though he gave up his enemies the cancer worsened. My dad wanted to take a trip to go visit him in the hospital, but because my sister, my mother, and myself had school we couldn’t go. When he arrived home he stated that my uncle didn’t look anything like himself, which scared me. I was scared that he was only getting worse and wasn’t going to be able to see or talk to him again.

My fear became a reality on September 16,2003. All I could think of was that I didn’t get the chance to say goodbye. I didn’t get to tell him he was one of the strongest men I had in my life, a man I thought to be a hero. I didn’t get to tell him I loved him or have the comfort of hugging him for the last time.

Tick tock, tick tock. The hands and the clock were as loud as a drum. The day of the funeral was upon us. Before the service I wanted to see my uncle and finally get the chance to say goodbye. I entered the room he was in and walked over to him. I fell to my knees and took his hand in mine. A chill ran up my spin and the tears streamed down my face. At that moment I knew he wasn’t gone. I could feel his hand on my back and him listening to everything I had to say. I told him I loved him and how he became my hero while fighting his cancer. I Told rather be with him then where I was, but the most important thing was I believed he would never leave me.

A flannel T- shirt with the scent of Calvin Klein and a laminated obituary. The only memories I had to hold on to. The memories of my uncle Alex. The man who holds my world in his hands. The uncle who has been dead for 5 years, but I see him every day. The only death in my family I still cry at night about. I believe he will never leave me because I won’t let him.