Finding Myself

Joseph - Las Vegas, Nevada
Entered on September 30, 2008
Age Group: 18 - 30
Themes: love

For most of my life I’ve wandered around confused. I didn’t really have any friends, and I wasn’t really close to anyone in my family. I kept to myself all the time. I know I mostly did it to myself but hey, I was scared. I was afraid that I’d just bother people by trying to talk to them. I mean I never really considered myself an interesting person at all, so I figured that’s what’d happen.

I also wasn’t a very motivated person. I didn’t really try at things.

I stopped playing sports because I was afraid that I wasn’t any good and I also didn’t want to put in the effort. My grades continually dropped. I was too afraid to have normal conversations with people. I honestly couldn’t see any type of future for me.

Then my Junior year of high school came along. It started off the same as every other year. But I pray in gratitude every day since, that things changed.

There were a few people that I met who forced their way into my life disregarding the shell I put myself in. One of those people was a girl who was in a couple of my classes. She forced her way into my life more then the others. When she first started talking to me, I was terrified. I also didn’t think anything was going to change. I thought that after a little while of talking to me, she’d get bored and then forget about me. But she didn’t do that, she kept talking to me more and more. She told me a lot about herself, she also told me about some of her problems. After a while she started forcing me to talk to her. She’d just sit there waiting for me to talk even if we had to sit in silence for a while. I’ll admit, it was pretty tough at first, but I got a little better at it. I started changing. I began to talk to other people and started developing my own personality and confidence. I started looking forward for school just to see her. I was really falling hard for her.

But then things decided to change again, but this time not for good. We started to argue a lot. We stopped talking to each other. We were both just really immature. It was when we were always arguing that I finally realized that I loved her. But it was too late. I tried my hardest and I think I was finally able to not be on bad terms with her. But that’s all.

Even though I won’t ever be a part of her life, and that knowledge kills me every day, I’m so grateful that she came into my life, even if it was only for a little while. I will always be grateful for all the things she taught me, and I will always love her.

This I believe, that true love changes people, and true love never fades.