A question exists, triggering the air to inhale. Bite your tongue and suck it in. Who am I living for? At fifteen, I have followed many morals and standards, but are those my own, or my parents’? My shell is breaking although my innocence is as follows. Take me apart, break my puzzle, decrease my sorrow and release the pressure. Friends and strangers make up half of who I am. They’re traveling their own path while I’m venturing for mine. I’m undressing the lies, taking off the unknown, revealing the truth and introducing me.
I don’t fear that I’ll never be content. How else will I find adventure? By culture, I’ve traveled through history, met my ancestors, and ran from that dreadful integration to this amazing unity. By religion, I saw my past, remember who I am and why my religion is a part of me. My family is Shaman and their actions tell the stories of superstitions and punishment. Still I won’t follow them. I still have my own to look for. Everyday I’m singled out for being the daughter, the growing woman of the house. Traditionally, I wouldn’t have the rights of education, work or a social life. I would dedicate myself to my guests, especially the men and make an impression. I promised I wouldn’t live this way. I appreciate my religion, faith and culture, but who am I if I live for someone else?
My perspective has changed and I don’t look for fairytales anymore. Put me on a yellow brick road and I wouldn’t follow or make it through. Red heels wouldn’t take me home but journey across wonderland and the “City of Beasts.” I haven’t traveled enough to know what I was missing. I don’t have the qualities of a princess or a lady. My flaws separate me from the crowd and it doesn’t hurt me. I won’t be taught how to act. I don’t wait for my prince or opportunities for I have the will to seek them.
I’ve given up on the fountain of youth. It hasn’t done me well and I figured I had to grow up to find out what I was searching for. I’ll stick to my thesis, my belief is as I leave it, and I plan to leave the world speechless. My childhood dreams are now my reality. I won’t postpone my goals for I’ve been searching far too long. I’m glued to my future and I have dreams to fulfill. I’m growing older, I’ll allow myself to be much wiser, I’ll forgive my opponents, for I was the strongest and I will make it. I don’t believe in living under someone else’s standards. I’m inadequate to live for someone else and I believe that who I am, is who I want to be. I’ve kissed away the haziness. Mama always said, “Patience will get you there, baby.”