This I Believe

I believe that life is unfair.

As a psychiatrist, you would expect that I would inherently appreciate that life is unfair, since most of the work I do with my patients deals with this reality. Yet to really appreciate this truth, you must experience the unfairness yourself.

Two years ago I was diagnosed with prostate cancer. The irony — the unfairness–is that I had been living my life with due diligence to protect from illness. I regularly exercised, took vitamins by the handful, maintained a good weight, ate carefully (no red meat, no fried or fast foods), and rarely drank alcohol. Basically I rationalized that I would be willing to sacrifice some of the immediate pleasures of life to insure longevity and a high quality of life as I grew older.

So the cancer hit me especially hard as really being unfair. I struggled with anger and, at times, depression. I underwent surgery, which was followed by the expected urinary incontinence (starting with diapers) and impotence (who, me?). All very unfair.

But I became a stronger and more humble person for experiencing these losses, learning (as we all must due every single day) to appreciate that the frailty and unfairness of life is mixed with the good. I could now appreciate what I had preached to my patients for the past 20 years — if the trauma does not out rightly kill you, you will become a better and more resilient person for having come through it.

But the real test was yet to come.

Its incredibly foggy with pouring rain on I-85 in May of this year. I’m driving from my home in Chapel Hill, NC to Charlotte for a luncheon program where I will lecture to physicians about the appropriate use of antidepressant medications. I’m going 70 in a 65 mph zone, in the far right hand lane, bothering no one, being passed by everyone. I am stopped for speeding. The officer says I was going 80. He’s wrong, likely confusing me with someone else.

But the lessons I learned from having survived cancer have indeed stuck with me.

While handing me the ticket, I pleasantly smiled to the officer and thought to myself — life isn’t fair.